Faith in Relationships

Yesterday, two great things happened with two different people.

1) Reconnection 

I had a pretty great conversation with an old friend of mine that I haven't talked to in years. We used to be really close, and it was really great being able to catch up with her. Most of the close friendships that I've had ended in conflict or in tension, but this friendship just ended because of circumstances, as we just grew apart. It was refreshing to talk to her, as the conversation was without assumptions or expectations. It made me happy!

2) Reconciliation 

Reconciliation happened, and it wasn't because of me. I'm non-confrontational, so I'm rarely the bigger man in reconciliation. I almost never initiate, and when others don't, I just wait until time fixes things. I guess I'm reminded of the joy and the blessing of forgiveness in reconciliation. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted, and today I felt like I've been floating all day. I really appreciate it.

All in all, yesterday has taken away a lot of the cynicism that I've built up toward relationships, giving me more faith in the good of others and the good in relationships. I feel like a changed man. 

Yesterday's events leads me to two key observations on what has been missing/wrong in my life:

Lack of faith in God leads to lack of faith in relationships

My lack of faith in God and his creation and plan for me makes me believe less in relationships. To me, relationships are doomed to fail because of our fallen nature, but I failed to recognize the redemption that God has brought to relationships. Because my approach to friendships isn't God-centered, these relationships never live up to my expectations.

Lack of faith in relationships can lead to a lack of faith in God

Past hurts led to my lack of faith in friendships and dating relationships. The (mostly subconscious) bitterness that built up caused me to lose sight of the good that God created them for. It made me doubt God's goodness to me and his faithfulness in life, becoming a wall between me and God. 

"Abba", "Ba Ba"

Romans 8:

And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

"Abba" is an intimate word that Jews used to refer to their father. In the English-speaking world, "Papa"  or "Daddy" are also commonly used. In my family, it's "Ba2 Ba2" (for everyone who doesn't speak Chinese, I bet they think we sound like sheep loll).

I have struggled calling God this most intimate word for "father." It's easy for me to call him "Father" or "Heavenly Father", but it's much more difficult for me to call him something more intimate to me. The thing about "dad" and "daddy" is that those words mean very little to me. I don't call my dad "dad", and when I think of him "dad" isn't the word that crosses my mind. "Ba ba" is. "Ba ba" is my dad, and my dad is "Ba ba".

But to me, I can't call God "Ba Ba". And I don't know why…but here are a few possibilities:

Maybe I idolize my dad: My dad is great. He is awesome. I love him. Of course I think he's the best dad in the world. Sometimes I idealize him, but as sons, aren't we supposed to? I think it's possible that because of my love for my dad, I find it hard to believe that there is someone who can love me and provide for me better than he. I find it hard to believe that there is someone wiser and smarter. I cannot accept that there is someone who can be a better "Ba Ba" to me than my dad.

But God is all those things. It's obvious to me how it would be easier for kids that come from broken families without fathers to see God as a father. But what about me? I already have one…one that I've very happy with that I don't think can be replaced! I know that God isn't meant to replace my dad, but why then should I call him my dad? It doesn't make very much sense to me. This brings me to my next possibility.

God isn't meant to be called "dad": I know that God is our Heavenly Father, but what is his role as a father in my life? Is he really my father or does he just represent a father figure, having fatherly traits?

Maybe, because God's traits are so all-encompassing, calling him a "father" just doesn't do him justice. While I realize that words can't fully describe God, maybe I see him more like a King or Creator than I do a father. To me, his other traits seem to dominate his fatherly traits.

I guess that for me, I need to learn to appreciate more of God's fatherly traits. I guess it's just part of understanding who God is. I guess that the thing for me is that I don't really understand God's fatherly traits…what exactly they are and how they are different from his other traits. I don't really see his provision and his love as purely fatherly traits, as that's also part of what a good king is and a creator is. 

God's Family-Restoring Power

I come from a near-perfect family. At least now, it's near-perfect. We've had a lot of difficult times and difficult arguments in the past, but praise God, I don't see how our family could be more perfect. My parents love each other, my sister and I are close, and my parents try very hard to accept Iris and me even if they don't agree with everything we decide. I love my family.

My parents come from radically broken families. My dad's dad was a multi-millionaire, but he left my dad's family for another woman , leaving my dad's mom and siblings dirt poor. My mom's dad was a military man, always away at sea and rarely at home to be with the family. My mom's mom wasn't a very good mom.

I've never really thought of the two together and how amazing the transformation really is. My mom always tells me and Iris that we should be grateful to our dad, that even though he's imperfect, he's a pretty damn good dad for a guy who didn't really have a good father figure. Even though my mom never said it, I feel that it applies, if somewhat lesser so, to her as well.

God's work of restoration in both my mom and my dad is incredible. God really has the power to mend broken families. As I grow in appreciation to how great my family is, I am also beginning to grow in appreciation of the amount of heart work and transformation and restoration that God has brought to both my mom and a dad. How could people from so broken of homes be such great parents? Jesus died and rose again so that I could have a great family, and I should never forget that. 

My First MLB Game

Today I went Johnny, Nathan, and I went to the Tigers-Twins game at Comerica Park, my first ever MLB experience. It wasn't what I expected, and that's what made the day so enjoyable!

I expected the baseball game to be constantly loud, with fans wild with cheering and highly emotionally invested in the game. While I won't say that the fans there were bad, there is just a whole different culture of being a baseball fan as opposed to being a football fan. When I first entered the park, the thing that hit me first was that there were people reading newspapers in the stands. This may not seem like a big deal, but can you even imagine anyone reading a newspaper at the Big House at a game?! The atmosphere was relaxed and social. The buzz often wasn't about what was happening on the field at that moment, but there was constant baseball talk in the background about different games, different teams.

The game was exactly what American tradition always said baseball games were supposed to be like. There was a great family atmosphere (although we had no idea what so many kids were going out of school). The weather was perfect with a little bit of breeze and a whole lot of fun. Food was expensive. There were the vendors who kept shouting for us to buy stuff (reminded me a little of Dim Sum). After today, I have to say that the baseball environment is really something I could get into more. Football games are way too draining. This baseball game was the opposite. I felt rejuvenated, ready to conquer the world (and conquer the road...boo).

The game went be quickly, much more quickly than I imagined. It wasn't just that Pavano threw himself a gem of a ballgame with a little over 10 pitches an inning, it was that the entire game was so engaging. The time between innings wasn't spent yawning at commercials and waiting for advertisements to end; it was spent observing players and watching how they warmed up and interacted with each other. The game went by so quickly that I really couldn't believe that it ended when it did.

I left the game today totally relaxed. I wasn't emotionally drained or pumped up with adrenaline. I was just totally relaxed. (The two hour drive home in the rain and traffic proved to disturb my relaxation, but that's besides the point).

I have a new appreciation for baseball - for the environment, for the fans, for the players. The environment was probably the most ideal for a college student who just finished finals. The fans reminded me of the unifying effect sports can bring to a family. The players reminded me how effective steroids are. =P (I totally forgot how big and strong baseball players are! Also, their throwing range doesn't really look like that much on television, but mannnn these guys are athletic...also much faster than I had imagined).

Oh, and the Tigers won =)

2010 Draft Reaction

The following details my post-draft reaction.

The draft was awesome. I'm happy with all the moves that the teams I liked made and I love that the teams I disliked ended up with players that are undesirable to me.

Brandon Graham to the Eagles!!!

Brandon Graham (and Jason Avant) are now the intersection of my two favorite sports teams. The Eagles traded up to get Brandon Graham, who I think is a perfect fit for the system. Graham will really have the perfect opportunity to shine in Andy Reid's blitz-happy system. I am absolutely ecstatic that the Eagles took Brandon Graham...it almost makes up for them getting rid of Donovan McNabb. I'm soooo happy! Adam Shefter tweeted that he expects Brandon Graham to be the Defensive Rookie of the Year. Hopefully that happens! The sky's the limit for Brandon Graham!

Jimmy Clausen - Not Drafted in the First Round!!!!
NFL teams are realizing the detriment of players with off-the-field or character problems, and it's really great seeing that teams recognize how crappy of a person Jimmy Clausen is. He's classless, rude, displays no sportsmanship, and is basically an asshole. Jimmy Clausen is just another Jay Cutler and Terrell Owens waiting to happen. He's going to be a diva, demanding attention and splitting the locker room. Jimmy Clausen learned today that when teams look for a quarterback, they look for a man to lead the team on the field, but also morally and spiritually. This is also exactly why the Broncos moved up to take Tim Tebow.

Roger Goodell has done a great job cleaning up the league of both divas and criminals. Dez Bryant, a stud receiver as he is, dropped down to the Cowboys, and Jimmy Clausen hasn't even been drafted yet! NFL teams now realize that if they don't produce good role models for kids and emphasize the good things in people, down the road, they will either have to suffer from fines, suspensions, or split locker rooms.

On Dez Bryant, it's like the Cowboys haven't learned anything in their last few years. The team has enough distractions, and while Dez Bryant is a great receiver, he will just add to the distractions that the team suffers from. Haven't Cowboys fans had enough of Jessica Simpson's pretty face, PacMan Jone's criminal offenses, and Terrell Owens' tears? I do have to say, however, that if there's one team that seems to be handling distractions reasonably well, it's the Cowboys. It just doesn't make sense to me that it seems like they go out of the way to bring more distractions into the clubhouse.

The Jets Defense = Impenetrable
Man...we thought that the Jets defense was good last year. This year, the Jets are going to be so much scarier. The Jets picked up Cromartie from San Diego, and now they just picked up Kyle Wilson, the stud corner from Boise State that dropped all the way down to the 29th pick! Along with Revis, no quarterback will be able to complete a pass against this defense. Even though I think that the offense downgraded from Thomas Jones to the quickly-aging LT, and I still don't believe in Mark Sanchez at all, their offense really won't need to produce much because the defense will keep their team in the game. The Jets may not be a team built for the regular season, but come playoff time, I think that this team will be one of the most dangerous for any opponent. I'm quite interested to see how Tom Brady and the Patriots fare against the stiff defense of the Jets.

Other Thoughts
CJ Spiller - I really believe in this guy. The NFL has been moving more toward speed backs and speed receivers (think AP, Chris Johnson, Wes Welker, Percy Harvin). CJ Spiller is, in my opinion, the best non-quarterback all-around player. This guy can literally do everything. It's really too bad that he's going to Buffalo though. I really doubt that they'll be able to use him to the best of his abilities. Trent Edwards really isn't equipped to lead an efficient passing attack, and the offensive linemen in Buffalo aren't much better. It's really too bad to see so much pressure placed on CJ Spiller during his first season. I think it will only make him a worse player. Hopefully his body won't be too beat up and broken after a couple of years playing in Buffalo.

The Lions - Over the years, I've become a Lions sympathizer, because they really aren't good enough for me to be a "fan" of theirs. The Lions were super lucky to get Ndamukong Suh to anchor their defense and Jahved Best to complement Kevin Smith to lead their running attack. The Lions now have enough solid players and weapons all around to have a solid foundation for basically a new start for the team. I'm interested to see how the Lions defense plays this year, as we know that they probably won't have any problem scoring with a more mature Stafford leading the pack and the talents of Calvin Johnson, Best, and Smith following him.

Anderson Silva vs. Damian Maia Reaction

I like Damian Maia. I would consider myself one of his fans. I love Anderson Silva. He's my favorite fighter.

That said, Maia had no business being in the octagon with Silva. He was outclassed. Maia shouldn't have talked to much crap before the fight. He is nowhere near Anderson Silva. The first three rounds really show that Anderson isn't afraid of Maia. He's sending a message to the UFC to stop putting garbage in the octagon against him. He has nothing to gain but everything to lose.

Damian Maia deserves some criticism as well. The first three rounds he did nothing against Anderson Silva. Nothing. I doubt he landed more than one punch in the entire first ten minutes of the fight. He didn't bring it. He didn't force AS to bring his game. It's unfortunate that when Maia decided to show up, Silva decided he didn't feel like being there anymore.

Like Anderson said, he definitely could have been more humble...there's really no denying that. Anderson Silva was cocky as hell, but that was just because he wasn't threatened at all. The fight wasn't nearly as bad as the reviews were. The result was expected, so the fight wasn't surprising.

A really good post I found on forums:

What does AS has to do to please the crowd? He is by far the most skilled fighter to ever step inside the octagon. Liking it or not, he always breaks his opponents physically and mentally and brings originality to the fights.

When he ran over Forrest Griffin several people said it was rigged.

When he started to devastate all his opponents in the first round, the UFC managers got worried about the PPV sales (the same thing happened to Mike Tyson).

So he plans to take a fight to the distance against Patrick Côté and again all he hears is criticism.

AS has beaten well rounded fighters such as Carlos Newton (former UFC Welterweight Champion), Jeremy Horn, Rich Franklin - twice (former UFC Middleweight Champion), Nate Marquardt, Dan Henderson (former Pride Welterweight and Middleweight Champion), Forrest Griffin (former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion) to name a few.

He has never been Knocked Out. He lost his very first fight by a split decision and 2 other by submission. His last true lost happened in December 31, 2004 against Ryo Chonan. Despite being controlling the fight, Silva was forced to submit at the last 15 seconds of the fight due to a flying scissor heel hook. Certainly AS learned a lot from this lesson and didn’t want to take unnecessary risk against Thales Leites and Damian Maia.

It takes two fighters to make a fight and when your are the challenger, is your duty to hunt the champion to take his belt, just like AS did to Rich Franklin. Thales Leites and Damian Maia didn’t do anything against AS and still he is the one to be blamed?

I really don’t get… AS is the kind of fighter that appears once in a lifetime. People should just enjoy his originality and respect his game plan for the different style of fights he is going to face.

To the ones that say about him not being humble, notice that he respected every single fighter who did not talk trash about him or disrespect him before stepping in the octagon for the fight (Rich Franklin is a good example of that).

But some talked a lot of shit such as Hendo and AS didn’t even want to touch gloves with him at the beginning of the fight.

There is a huge rivalry between BJJ fighters and any other style of fight here in Brazil. BJJ are so cocky provoking and disrespecting AS for years emphasizing how easily they will be owned by a BJJfighter once they schedule a fight of this nature, jus because Muy-Thai is the discipline he stands for.

Damian Maia said a lot of trash prior to the fight such as he would make AS like the floor and take his arms back home with the belt as well.

Seems to me AS didn’t want to finish Damian Maia, he really wanted to punished and humiliate him. Maybe he was caught up on the emotion, but who could blame him?

If you want to be respected, you got to be the first to show respect, and certainly Damian Maia didn’t do that unfortunately.

http://mmajunkie.com/news/18714/manager-says-champ-anderson-silva-not-bored-isnt-sure-weight-jump-is-answer.mma

UFC: A new era of bad fights

For Tim (cuz I didn't feel like posting it on your wall =P)

The UFC is entering a new era. As they develop and become more and more mainstream, there is an inevitable parity that starts entering the league. When the top fighter really becomes the top fighter, there's not much that can be done to make their fights not suck when matched with clearly worse opponents. It's also part of the nature of the sport. Rarely are there true upsets in MMA. Unless the better fighter gets clipped with a wild punch, poked in the eye, broke a bone, or something improbable, the better fighter usually wins. When the level between the fighters is as great as it was two nights ago with Silva vs. Maia, the fight is going to suck...there's no way around it.

GSP got criticized a lot for his last fight against Dan Hardy. Dan Hardy couldn't stop GSP, and GSP just imposed his will on Hardy, but GSP was still vilified. It's ridiculous. GSP and Anderson Silva are just too much better than their opponents. I think Silva felt disrespected when they put someone nowhere near his caliber into a fight with him. Silva and GSP are levels above their opponents and while the ufc likes to sell itself with exciting fights, overmatched opponents don't make for good fights.

Imagine yourself being put in a math contest, and the best that the opponent team could come up with was a 3rd grader. Wouldn't you feel disrespected? There is no risk of you losing at all. I might even get a few questions wrong on purpose just to keep it interesting. This is what Anderson Silva must feel like. It is this disrespect from the UFC that probably frustrates Anderson so much. He knows who he wants to fight, but the UFC insists on putting incapable fighters up against him.

The UFC needs to think hard about its future. Knockouts in the first round usually come when two crappy fighters fight each other. Fight of the night rarely goes to the main event...it goes to two evenly matched fighters. When one fighter dominates another, it often goes the distance (weird huh?). Think about the last few title fight's we've seen. Even Penn-Sanchez almost went the distance, if it wasn't for a nasty, nasty cut that ended it.

As the UFC increases in popularity and has more and more fighters, the parity in the league is also going to increase. The truly great fighters will emerge as great and mediocre fighters will be mediocre fighters. Think of the NFL and the NBA. Are Patriots-Raiders games ever going to be interesting? Are Lions-Packers games? Are Lakers-Clippers games? This doesn't even do the parity of the UFC justice. This parity is part of "getting big" as your great fighters really are great and really that much better than all other fighters. If people wan't to stop seeing crappy fights, the UFC needs to stop putting overmatched opponents against the likes of GSP and Anderson Silva.

Silva acted out of line. there's no denying it. But the Dana White's gotta take responsibility for setting up a fight he knew was going to suck....like GSP-hardy. I knew the fight was gonna suck once i heard about it. GSP is just too good. Same with this Silva-Maia fight. Anderson Silva is a jiu-jitsu black belt, and I doubt he ever felt threatened by Maia's JJ, much less by his striking.

The UFC needs to take responsibility for bad fights instead of always blaming the fighter. They are a business, and top names like GSP and Anderson Silva make the big bucks, but you can't seriously expect a great fight when you put them against mediocre opponents.

Some good articles on the topic:

http://www.bloodyelbow.com/2010/4/11/1415026/lambs-to-the-slaughter-anderson

http://www.headkicklegend.com/2010/4/10/1414591/purple-rain-anderson-silvas

Slacking in 270

In EECS 270 lab today, I slacked off..majorly. I did maybe an hour of work and then just youtube-surfed for the rest of the lab. Here's what I watched:

Wedding Dress Music Video

For some reason, Asian pop songs and dramas are so much more emotional to me than American ones. Maybe it's because I don't fully understand the language spoken, maybe it's because the girls are prettier to me. There's just something about it. This song, anyway, is heartbreaking. It's basically about a dude seeing the girl she loves getting married to another guy. This is my biggest fear. There's only one girl that I've ever truly loved, and I wonder how I'll feel at her wedding. I suddenly had an urge to reconnect with her, to make sure that I don't lose something great that could be.

My mom used to say that once she met Jesus, she had no more need for any of the love songs and romantic movies. I can see why. These emotions and desires and fears come from a lack of faith that God will provide. They are the flesh telling us to worry about tomorrow, that we could miss out if we don't follow our heart (or whatever lame corny lie that the world tells us).

I won't listen to that song again. It leaves me strangely discontent and fearful of the future. All I need to know is that Jesus will never leave me for anyone else. He will be with me always.

Soccer Highlights

I love sports. I can't get over it. Sports brings a passion that nothing else can bring out. Sports brings a unity between people that is unparalleled.

I love sports.

Hopefully I don't substitute sports for God.

FailBlog Videos

They never get old!

Oh How I Hate Ohio State!

I HATE Ohio State. I hate them with all of my being. I can't associate with anyone from OSU. Seeing someone from OSU just makes me angry. It has made me think: Do I hate sin as much as I hate Ohio State? I'm called not to hate others, but to hate the things that God hates. I tolerate my own sin much more than I tolerate Ohio State. Also, I tolerate the sin of others much more than I tolerate Ohio State. Sin doesn't make me angry. Sin doesn't make me fume. Even my hatred of oppression and injustice is often temporal and emotional, not a hatred that (to me) stems out of who I am, my entire being.

Hate itself is a sin, and to learn to hate sin, I need to learn to hate hating everything else. I can't hate Ohio State anymore. I can't hate Urban Meyer or Lebron James anymore. I'm called to something greater than that.

...And that's what I'm struggling with.

Funny Link of the Day:

http://universityofmichiganrejects.com/

Funny Picture of the Day:

The Ravens, Chiefs, and the Future

Random Question: Why is it "chiefs" and not "chieves"?

Ravens offense to be feared

Ravens are going to be one of the scariest teams in the AFC next year. They picked up Anquan Boldin and Dante Stallworth and resigned Derrick Mason. If Stallworth can give them any sort of production (and not be a distraction for the team), this wide receiving corps, along with the versatile Ray Rice, is going to rip apart some AFC defenses.

Will the Steelers be able to keep up? They got an aging Antwaan Randle El, but I doubt he will be much of a difference maker. Will the Bengals be able to play another year of solid defense? I doubt it. And will the Browns ever find a decent quarterback? Sorry B.Quinn, that's not you!!!

Chiefs: the most underrated team in the AFC

The Chiefs grossly underperformed last year, but I expect them to pick it up this year with the acquisition of the leagues most underrated running back, Thomas Jones! I have an attachment to TJones because of his honorable production for me on my fantasy team a few years back in his last year on the Bears. This guy is the real deal. He's not flashy, but insanely productive. Sure, he's aging, but I'd take Thomas Jones over Larry Johnson or Jamaal Charles any day of the week. Chris Chambers resigned with the Chiefs, but they still need some better options for Cassell to throw to. If the Chiefs make some more good moves and draft well, I can see them being in the playoff race next season!

Thomas Jones, my man-crush.

The Future

Eliot Soloway is the best professor ever. As he says, "Never bet against technology." I am excited for the future. The future is going to be awesome. Will it live up to the hype? YOU BET IT WILL. Technology is moving faster than it ever has in the past. Just wait fifteen years, and all you thought was impossible will all of a sudden become a reality.

We are created to create. Man has been creating from the beginning of time. First (and most important) are children, but then comes culture, language, and art. Finally, technology (which is an art in itself). Pushing advances isn't playing God. Rather, it's fulfilling who we were meant to be: curious, creative, and enthusiastic about creation.

I am excited about the future. More on this in some future time.

Also, I love twitter.