I'm not gonna lie. I don't have much invested in the Super Bowl next week, but I'm going to be rooting for the 49ers. Here's a bunch of subjective, personal reasons with no real objective basis for why I'll be pulling for the Niners.
Colin Kaepernick upset undefeated Boise State in an epic overtime game
This was easily one of the best college football games I've ever watched. Because the game was on the West coast, it went late, to around 1 AM on the East coast. My mom and sister were already in bed, and my dad and I were watching the game. After the Boise kicker missed the game-tying field goal, we couldn't contain our enthusiasm, despite not really being able to scream or make any noise, for fear of waking up the rest of the family. So enjoy this video of jumping around and heavy breathing.
Jim Harbaugh is a Michigan man
Sure, he publicly criticized Michigan's academics, and sure, he turned down the Michigan coaching job after Rich Rod, but he's still a Michigan man.
Ravens players are annoying.
I'm sorry, but I'm just not a fan of Bernard Pollard, Ed Reed, and - yes, I'm going to say it - Ray Lewis. First of all, Bernard Pollard. I'm going to say it. I don't like players that injure other players. The line of intentionality is grey and blurry, but I find it hard to believe that it's all a coincidence. Also, what he said this week about the NFL not existing is hypercritical to the max. He says that the league should "lighten up" on the rules, that injuries are expected, and that the only thing that hasn't happened yet is someone dying on the field, but he says that's what players signed up for. Let me ask you, Pollard. Which is worse for the game: more rules protecting players that changes the game, or someone dying on the field?
Mad respect for Ed Reed and Ray Lewis, but I just can't say I like them. The whole emotional thing is a bit over the top for me, especially as their defense this year really wasn't very good. I know my opinion really doesn't matter, but I seriously think there might be something mentally not right with Ray Lewis especially. Also that whole thing where Ray Lewis might have killed a guy? I don't know. It certainly doesn't make me like him more.
Oh and while I'm busy dishing out the cheapshots at Ravens players, I've got to say it. Joe Flacco is not an elite quarterback.
I've never liked the AFC North.
I've just always despised the AFC North, especially the Steelers and Ravens. I'm not completely sure why, but I think I've just always considered them constantly overrated and overhyped. It probably has to do with their "storied" histories which I wasn't alive to witness, but I've felt like the reputation of the Steelers and the Ravens is constantly much greater than they actually are. I've also grown tired of the "hard-hitting" defense shtick, as their vaunted defenses are often much worse than advertised, and much, much dirtier than reported. In my head, the Steelers and Ravens defensive players (plus Hines Ward), are just dirty players. I'm sorry, but I can't stand Troy Polumalu for so many different reasons. And don't even get me started on James Harrison.
Also, the fact that the media always hypes up their rivalry has always bugged me, because I just feel like it's really not such a big deal. Sure, it's always an important division game, but I honestly don't see the passion and mutual hatred by the fans for this "rivalry" like I do for other great sports rivalries. Maybe I just feel that the Steelers/Ravens rivalry threatens the supremacy of the Eagles/Giants rivalry that I love. Who knows. All I know is that when watching the Steelers and Ravens play each other and other teams, outside of the 2005 Steelers, I'm rarely impressed.
Here's another cheapshot. Big Ben isn't an elite quarterback either. Winning rings doesn't make you elite. Neither does raping girls. Okay. No more cheap shots. Except for this one last video.
Go get 'em, Colin Kaepernick, Jim Harbaugh, and the San Francisco 49ers!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Practical Humility - Peer Reviews
This week is my one-year anniversary at working at Raytheon. It's been a great, fun, productive year. With the help of my awesome co-workers and great boss, I've learned a lot of great engineering skills and best practices the job. Because the work environment is so different from the school environment, I've also learned a lot about myself this last year.
I was once again confronted with my inability to receive criticism. To be honest, I've never considered myself bad at receiving criticism, especially spiritual criticism, because in general, anything anyone says to me about my character is bound to be somewhat true. "Caleb, you're too proud." Yeap. "You don't treat people well enough." Yeap. "You should spend more time concentrating on God." Yeap.
The pride of the inability to receive criticism was revealed to me through one of the key steps of our software development - peer reviews. For those of you who don't know, for electronic peer review, reviewers have the ability to add "Remarks", which are sometimes comments/questions but usually defects about specific items in the code, and for every remark, you're sent an email. So let's set the stage. After a few months of doing testing,making minor fixes to code here and there, and "helping out" with various tasks, I was finally given my first real programming task. Super exicted, I make the design and code it up. Then I send it out for peer review, like my boss said.
And it got blasted. The emails with "A new remark has been added for Peer Review XX" came pouring into my inbox, each with the little "ding ding" notification. Some of them were real mistakes I made here or there, but most of them were style issues and that my code didn't conform to the style of the code already there. And that was hard to swallow. For you non-programmers, just like everything else, there are a lot of personal preferences in programming - preferred variable names, capitalization schemes, code structures, etc. And it was hard to hear that the piece of code, which I thought was beautiful and elegant, needed to be chopped up and altered to what I thought was less beautiful and elegant.
I tried to resist changing my code, emailing my coworkers in response to specific remarks, defensively trying to justify my code. One of my coworkers noticed my frustration and came over and basically told me that he understands my frustration, that none of the remarks were personal, and that it's just a necessary part of our software development process. For some reason, I had been blind to my own emotions and it was only when he came to talk to me that I suddenly realized how upset I had become.
Learning to accept and even welcome criticism has been a long process, as I take a lot of pride in my work, but I can say that I no longer get upset over remarks in peer reviews. Actually, I like getting them, because it means that someone is looking at my work!
I was once again confronted with my inability to receive criticism. To be honest, I've never considered myself bad at receiving criticism, especially spiritual criticism, because in general, anything anyone says to me about my character is bound to be somewhat true. "Caleb, you're too proud." Yeap. "You don't treat people well enough." Yeap. "You should spend more time concentrating on God." Yeap.
The pride of the inability to receive criticism was revealed to me through one of the key steps of our software development - peer reviews. For those of you who don't know, for electronic peer review, reviewers have the ability to add "Remarks", which are sometimes comments/questions but usually defects about specific items in the code, and for every remark, you're sent an email. So let's set the stage. After a few months of doing testing,making minor fixes to code here and there, and "helping out" with various tasks, I was finally given my first real programming task. Super exicted, I make the design and code it up. Then I send it out for peer review, like my boss said.
And it got blasted. The emails with "A new remark has been added for Peer Review XX" came pouring into my inbox, each with the little "ding ding" notification. Some of them were real mistakes I made here or there, but most of them were style issues and that my code didn't conform to the style of the code already there. And that was hard to swallow. For you non-programmers, just like everything else, there are a lot of personal preferences in programming - preferred variable names, capitalization schemes, code structures, etc. And it was hard to hear that the piece of code, which I thought was beautiful and elegant, needed to be chopped up and altered to what I thought was less beautiful and elegant.
I tried to resist changing my code, emailing my coworkers in response to specific remarks, defensively trying to justify my code. One of my coworkers noticed my frustration and came over and basically told me that he understands my frustration, that none of the remarks were personal, and that it's just a necessary part of our software development process. For some reason, I had been blind to my own emotions and it was only when he came to talk to me that I suddenly realized how upset I had become.
Learning to accept and even welcome criticism has been a long process, as I take a lot of pride in my work, but I can say that I no longer get upset over remarks in peer reviews. Actually, I like getting them, because it means that someone is looking at my work!
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Why I believe Manti Te'o
Those of you who I've talked to about this know that I've always thought that Manti Te'o was more guilty than innocent. But after I watched Jeremy Schaap report after having a 2.5 hour sit-down interview with Manti Te'o [story and video here], I now firmly believe that Manti Te'o was indeed the victim of a hoax (though obviously you're all welcome to disagree, as I could yet be proven wrong). Here's why.
Manti claimed to have only been in "intense" communication with her since April, when she claimed to be in a car crash.
This makes things much more believable to me. If April was actually the starting point for their emotional connection, it is much more reasonable to me that he didn't see her in the 5 months before she "died" in September. It's hard for me to see someone in relationship for 3 years without calling it quits because one side won't let the other see them, but I can definitely see something like this happening for around 8 months.
Manti claimed some crazy stuff that is hard to make up.
In the interview, Te'o said that when he got the call on December 6th from "Kekua", she claimed that she was in hiding from "drug people", and I guess she needed to fake her death or something. If Manti was really faking this relationship and really in on the hoax on December 6th, why in the world would he be telling the media this crazy story that he actually admitted to kind of believing? We know immediately after hearing it that this is total BS that a hoaxster would say to a victim, but I fail to see the motivation behind Manti saying something that unbelievable.
Manti Te'o's claimed response is exactly what we should expect from someone in his position.
In the interview, Te'o admitted that it wasn't until two days ago that he actually believed that Kekua didn't exist, and it's easy to say, "No way. How dumb are you?" and "Even after she called you after supposedly being dead?", but to be honest, in Manti's shoes, I don't think I would be any different. If you've been "inseparable on the phone", as Schaap put it, for half a year, and truly loved the person who you thought was on the other end of the line, wouldn't you be in a state of total confusion and denial too? Even though we from the outside think that Manti should have woken up and realized that he'd been duped immediately, we all know that feelings don't work that way. Relationships don't work that way. We believe what we want to believe, and can often be in denial about the state of a relationship and hold on to something that we know is either fading or gone completely. And that's exactly what Manti claims to have gone through. This, to me, is much more believable than him "all of a sudden" realizing that she was fake after she called him claiming that she was in hiding from drug lords.
Manti's response is completely consistent with his known personality.
Is it really surprising that the emotional leader of a team would become too emotionally attached to a person he never met? Is it really possible that he gave something his 100% at a relationship, even though he didn't know exactly what was going on? Is it that unthinkable that a player who's unquenchable passion is his game got played by his own passion? And is it possible that the ND AD was actually truthful when he called Te'o "the most trusting person I know"?
"Love" blinds people. Catfishes are possible.
This, I find, is the major stumbling block for people who have a hard time believing that Manti was actually the victim: They don't see how someone could fall for this trick. And to you all I say, you better believe it, because people fall for it all the time. Love and desire for love blinds people, and it's not just catfishes. It's keeping dead relationships alive. It's staying in abusive relationships. It's believing "he said he's going to change". As we've all learned in the last few days, people fall for catfishes. Why would it be any different for Manti Te'o?
Manti claimed to have only been in "intense" communication with her since April, when she claimed to be in a car crash.
This makes things much more believable to me. If April was actually the starting point for their emotional connection, it is much more reasonable to me that he didn't see her in the 5 months before she "died" in September. It's hard for me to see someone in relationship for 3 years without calling it quits because one side won't let the other see them, but I can definitely see something like this happening for around 8 months.
Manti claimed some crazy stuff that is hard to make up.
In the interview, Te'o said that when he got the call on December 6th from "Kekua", she claimed that she was in hiding from "drug people", and I guess she needed to fake her death or something. If Manti was really faking this relationship and really in on the hoax on December 6th, why in the world would he be telling the media this crazy story that he actually admitted to kind of believing? We know immediately after hearing it that this is total BS that a hoaxster would say to a victim, but I fail to see the motivation behind Manti saying something that unbelievable.
Manti Te'o's claimed response is exactly what we should expect from someone in his position.
In the interview, Te'o admitted that it wasn't until two days ago that he actually believed that Kekua didn't exist, and it's easy to say, "No way. How dumb are you?" and "Even after she called you after supposedly being dead?", but to be honest, in Manti's shoes, I don't think I would be any different. If you've been "inseparable on the phone", as Schaap put it, for half a year, and truly loved the person who you thought was on the other end of the line, wouldn't you be in a state of total confusion and denial too? Even though we from the outside think that Manti should have woken up and realized that he'd been duped immediately, we all know that feelings don't work that way. Relationships don't work that way. We believe what we want to believe, and can often be in denial about the state of a relationship and hold on to something that we know is either fading or gone completely. And that's exactly what Manti claims to have gone through. This, to me, is much more believable than him "all of a sudden" realizing that she was fake after she called him claiming that she was in hiding from drug lords.
Manti's response is completely consistent with his known personality.
Is it really surprising that the emotional leader of a team would become too emotionally attached to a person he never met? Is it really possible that he gave something his 100% at a relationship, even though he didn't know exactly what was going on? Is it that unthinkable that a player who's unquenchable passion is his game got played by his own passion? And is it possible that the ND AD was actually truthful when he called Te'o "the most trusting person I know"?
"Love" blinds people. Catfishes are possible.
This, I find, is the major stumbling block for people who have a hard time believing that Manti was actually the victim: They don't see how someone could fall for this trick. And to you all I say, you better believe it, because people fall for it all the time. Love and desire for love blinds people, and it's not just catfishes. It's keeping dead relationships alive. It's staying in abusive relationships. It's believing "he said he's going to change". As we've all learned in the last few days, people fall for catfishes. Why would it be any different for Manti Te'o?
Friday, January 11, 2013
A Little Lesson on God-Reliance - Preparing Bible Study
The other day, I started reading chapter 3 of David Platt's book Radical (which I recommend as a easy but challenging read), which is entitled "Beginning at the End of Ourselves - The Importance of Relying on God's Power". Here are some quotes from the first section of that chapter (SPOILER ALERT).
So Wednesday rolls around, and I'm all prepared to give my devotional at night, and I planned to prepare the Bible study after prayer meeting. I give the devotional, and I was pretty happy with how it went, but after I got home, I all of a sudden felt dead tired. For some reason, I just wanted to roll over anddie fall asleep. I guess my body was telling my that 3 days of work after a long vacation is too much for me to handle. Anyways, I read the passage, made a few notes and observations, but couldn't seem to really get anywhere with it, so I just went to bed at around 10:45. I set my alarm for 6:45, which is around half an hour earlier than I normally get up, so I could spend some more time to prepare the Bible study and finish preparing it during lunchtime.
Turns out, I woke up at 7:45, got to work later than usual, and it just happened that I was so engrossed in my work that I didn't take a short break to eat my lunch at 3 (this NEVER happens). I resolved that I was going to spend the last 45 minutes before I left to prepare the Bible study. And so I did. I read and reread the passage. I circled stuff here and there and wrote some questions that might be applicable. But really, I had nothing. Nothing was coming to me. I sat there with my face hands on my head and admitted to God that I had nothing, and that nothing was coming, and just asked Him to bless the Bible study. Praying for the Bible study was my last resort. And so I spent some time praying for the Bible study because there wasn't really anything else I could do.
And praise be to God, the Bible study was much better than I could have imagined it. Even though I didn't really have any real good observations during my prep time, everyone else had great observations and insights, and I felt like the participation and discussion was better than it normally is. We had a great discussion about the passage followed by a good time of sharing. It was awesome, and without a doubt, none of this was my doing. It was all God. I didn't really know what I was going to say or what direction the study was going to be, but God somehow made it work. It isn't that things will always work out this way, and not preparing well isn't an excuse to test the faithfulness of God, but I'm grateful that God used this opportunity to remind me of his grace and power how much I need to rely on him and not on myself. After all, it's never up to me how "good" a Bible study is, so I need to be seeking His will and power more often.
We also actually spent a good amount of time during Bible study discussing self-reliance, and one of the guys reminded the group of the following awesome verse, which pretty much sums up this entire post:
"The question for us, then, is whether we trust in God's power. And the problem for us is that in our culture we are tempted at every turn to trust in our power instead. So the challenge for us is to live in such a way that we are radically dependent on and desperate for the power that only God can provide."After reading that, the next day, I read this from The Life of Elijah
"The dangerous assumption we unknowingly accept in the American dream is that our greatest asset is our own ability."
"As long as we achieve our desires in our own power, we will always attribute it to our own glory."
"While the goal of the American dream is to make much of us, the goal of the gospel is to make much of God."
"Where there is a man who takes his place in the dust before the Most High, it will soon be made apparent before others that a power beyond his own energizes him."I'm not always the most observant of people, but it seemed to me like God was trying to tell me something about humbling myself and relying on Him! But deep down, I didn't really believe that I needed him for anything at the moment. I was prepared to lead a devotional at prayer meeting on Wednesday night, and I had some great insight into the passage I was going to lead so I was totally psyched to give the short talk on Daniel 1:1-7. I was also in charge of leading our small group Bible study on Thursday night on the entire chapter of Daniel 1, but since I had insight for that first section in Daniel 1, surely I was going to have more great insight into the rest of the chapter, right?
So Wednesday rolls around, and I'm all prepared to give my devotional at night, and I planned to prepare the Bible study after prayer meeting. I give the devotional, and I was pretty happy with how it went, but after I got home, I all of a sudden felt dead tired. For some reason, I just wanted to roll over and
Turns out, I woke up at 7:45, got to work later than usual, and it just happened that I was so engrossed in my work that I didn't take a short break to eat my lunch at 3 (this NEVER happens). I resolved that I was going to spend the last 45 minutes before I left to prepare the Bible study. And so I did. I read and reread the passage. I circled stuff here and there and wrote some questions that might be applicable. But really, I had nothing. Nothing was coming to me. I sat there with my face hands on my head and admitted to God that I had nothing, and that nothing was coming, and just asked Him to bless the Bible study. Praying for the Bible study was my last resort. And so I spent some time praying for the Bible study because there wasn't really anything else I could do.
And praise be to God, the Bible study was much better than I could have imagined it. Even though I didn't really have any real good observations during my prep time, everyone else had great observations and insights, and I felt like the participation and discussion was better than it normally is. We had a great discussion about the passage followed by a good time of sharing. It was awesome, and without a doubt, none of this was my doing. It was all God. I didn't really know what I was going to say or what direction the study was going to be, but God somehow made it work. It isn't that things will always work out this way, and not preparing well isn't an excuse to test the faithfulness of God, but I'm grateful that God used this opportunity to remind me of his grace and power how much I need to rely on him and not on myself. After all, it's never up to me how "good" a Bible study is, so I need to be seeking His will and power more often.
We also actually spent a good amount of time during Bible study discussing self-reliance, and one of the guys reminded the group of the following awesome verse, which pretty much sums up this entire post:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Louie Giglio and Thought-Crime
In my opinion, one of the late Christopher Hitchen's most compelling arguments from the debate video Collision is on the unfairness and injustice of God judging our thoughts, or "thought crime", as he brilliantly put it.
What I am riled up about is the public outcry for something against he believes - not about a public policy that would force others to live under his standards, but a personal belief. In other words, Giglio has committed what many would consider a thought crime. He thinks and believes something wrong, and it is so wrong that he ought to be put to shame for his belief. In fact, he is a lesser human being, intellectually and morally, for being in this perpetual state of thought-crime, and he will not be released from this penitentiary and deemed a "good human being" until he reforms his "out-dated" thinking.
If it is unfair, unjust, and plain wrong for God (if He were to exist) to convict human beings for thought-crime, why should mere mortals have the ability to convict one another of thought-crime? If not even God has the right to judge thoughts, what right does anyone have to say that anyone else's beliefs are right or wrong or better or worse?
"There is no Big Brother in the sky. It is a horrible idea that there is somebody who owns us, who makes us, who supervises us waking and sleeping, who knows our thoughts, who can convict us of thought crime, thought crime - just for what we think, who can judge us while we sleep for things that might occur to us in our dreams, who can create us sick (as apparently we are) and then order us on pain of eternal torture to be well again. To demand this, to wish this to be true, is to wish to live as an abject slave. It is a wonderful thing, in my submission, that we now have enough information, enough intelligence, and - I hope - enough intellectual and moral courage to say that this ghastly proposition is founded on a lie, and to celebrate that fact, and I invite you to join me in doing so."Today, Louie Giglio withdrew from giving an inaugural prayer, as controversy arose about him calling homosexuality a sin in a sermon 15 years ago. It was initially reported that it was the White House that rescinded the invitation, but it really doesn't matter either way. This isn't really surprising, as politics is politics.
What I am riled up about is the public outcry for something against he believes - not about a public policy that would force others to live under his standards, but a personal belief. In other words, Giglio has committed what many would consider a thought crime. He thinks and believes something wrong, and it is so wrong that he ought to be put to shame for his belief. In fact, he is a lesser human being, intellectually and morally, for being in this perpetual state of thought-crime, and he will not be released from this penitentiary and deemed a "good human being" until he reforms his "out-dated" thinking.
If it is unfair, unjust, and plain wrong for God (if He were to exist) to convict human beings for thought-crime, why should mere mortals have the ability to convict one another of thought-crime? If not even God has the right to judge thoughts, what right does anyone have to say that anyone else's beliefs are right or wrong or better or worse?
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Nick Saban's 48 Hours
Nick Saban's self-allotted 48 hours of enjoyment for winning the national championship is just about half over. In case you missed it, he said in his post-game interview that he gives himself two days to enjoy a national championship before buckling down and starting to prepare for the next one. If you haven't seen it, the video is embedded at the bottom.
I had already heard Saban talk about how he doesn't allow himself to enjoy championships much in his 60 minutes interview (his interview begins at 10:30). If you haven't watched this video yet, you totally should, especially because Michigan football is featured in it. Anyways, here's a transcript of the interview.
This isn't a post to denigrate Saban in any way. Actually, I'm convinced that it is this mentality of Saban that makes him so great, and it obviously rubs off on his players, who continue to play hungry and stay discontent with anything less than a championship. But still. Doesn't it seem crazy that someone could only enjoy one of the greatest accomplishments in sports for only 48 hours, or even just 2 hours?
Ravi Zacharias says, "Author Jack Higgins has said that the one thing he knows now that he wished he had known as a younger man is that when you get to the top, there's nothing there." Being at the top doesn't bring true contentment. Winning doesn't bring lasting satisfaction. Often times, success actually reveals the emptiness inside of us.
It's precisely this emptiness of success that made Primetime Deion Sanders to Christ. He realized his loneliness and emptiness after winning the Super Bowl and called up one of his Christian friends to ask about Jesus. He says:
Highly recommended related Ravi Zacharias talks - The Problem of Pleasure, What is Worthwhile under the Sun?
I had already heard Saban talk about how he doesn't allow himself to enjoy championships much in his 60 minutes interview (his interview begins at 10:30). If you haven't watched this video yet, you totally should, especially because Michigan football is featured in it. Anyways, here's a transcript of the interview.
Interviewer: How long will you let yourself savor a win like that, a win over Michigan?Not very happy?! Just two hours after attaining the highest possible achievement in college football? Wow. Just two hours after winning a national championship, Saban was already anxious about the next one. Even in the post-game interview yesterday, when he was asked "Are you satisfied?", Saban couldn't help but qualify his answer saying, "Well, I'm satisfied with this team." Saban couldn't say that he was satisfied, especially when there's another year of football coming up and another team to coach. Even though he won the championship 3 of the last 4 years, it still feels like Saban's stuck in a rat race, along with all the hundreds of other college football coaches, that probably won't end until he retires.
Saban: When we won the national championship, about two hours after the game, somebody said, "You don't seem very happy". And I said, Well I'm just worried about what the issues are going to be for next year, 'cause something's happening.
Interviewer: So you allowed yourself a whole 120 minutes of pure pleasure?
Saban: Not very long..
This isn't a post to denigrate Saban in any way. Actually, I'm convinced that it is this mentality of Saban that makes him so great, and it obviously rubs off on his players, who continue to play hungry and stay discontent with anything less than a championship. But still. Doesn't it seem crazy that someone could only enjoy one of the greatest accomplishments in sports for only 48 hours, or even just 2 hours?
Ravi Zacharias says, "Author Jack Higgins has said that the one thing he knows now that he wished he had known as a younger man is that when you get to the top, there's nothing there." Being at the top doesn't bring true contentment. Winning doesn't bring lasting satisfaction. Often times, success actually reveals the emptiness inside of us.
It's precisely this emptiness of success that made Primetime Deion Sanders to Christ. He realized his loneliness and emptiness after winning the Super Bowl and called up one of his Christian friends to ask about Jesus. He says:
“I remember winning the Super Bowl that year, and that night after the game I was the first one out of the locker room, the first one to the press conference, and the first one to go home. And I remember my wife, Carolyn, saying to me, “Baby, you just won the Super Bowl! Don’t you have a party downstairs or something to go to?” And I just said, “Nah,” and rolled over and went to sleep. That was the same week I bought myself a brand new $275,000 Lamborghini, and I haven’t even driven a mile before I realized, “No, that’s not it. That’s not what I’m looking for. It’s got to be something else, I’m so hungry.” [Full testimony here]"When you get to the top, there's nothing there." I don't think there's anyone who understands this quite as well as Nick Saban.
"Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun."
- Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
Highly recommended related Ravi Zacharias talks - The Problem of Pleasure, What is Worthwhile under the Sun?
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Urbana 2012 - New Friends
One of my favorite things about this Urbana was the amount of people I got to reconnect with and the amount of new people I got to meet. I've always loved making new friends, but this time it just felt different. Even though I often introduce myself to people either out of a sense of obligation to make people feel comfortable and welcome or selfishness for being well-known, I've still always enjoyed getting to know new people. But the huge amount of joy and encouragement I got from meeting new people this Urbana was very peculiar and unusual.
I realized that my unusual excitement from making new friends is probably because I really haven't had many of those experiences this last year in Fort Wayne. I've definitely made some friends in Fort Wayne, but I haven't had the opportunity to see someone and chat with them every day, like you might a new college friend. I haven't connected culturally with many people here, and I haven't made a friend with (or even met) a single Asian-American Christian in the year that I've been here. All in all, I've just missed making friends.
And to a point, I even feel desperate. I felt the unfamiliar need inside of me to get to know other people. I really wanted other people to be my friends. And this was kind of new to me. Pardon my pride, but I've thought of it kind of like "You should want to be friends with me, not the other way around, because it's a privilege to be friends with me. Don't you know? I'm friends with everyone! Get in line." Okay that was somewhat of an exaggeration, but still. I've never felt the need to make new friendships, as I already have a solid group of guys around me that I can go to with anything. But through Urbana, and now afterwards, there's been a hunger inside me for getting to know new people, and getting to know them beyond surface level.
This is all incredibly hard to explain, and probably awkward for you to read, so I'll give you a concrete example which may or may not make this entire post more awkward (also depending on who you are). I met a bunch of Duke IV students who were Asian and did Bible study with them in the morning. For me, instant connection. New Asian American friends? I haven't had those in a year! And Christians too? Bonus!! After getting a chance to chat with them a few times during Urbana week, I felt like they were my friends. Like. Friends. People that I'm invested emotionally in, not just random people I met during some giant Christian conference. I took every opportunity to chat with them when I saw them, and I even stopped by where they were hanging out right before Urbana finished just so I could say hi/bye.
If you know me, you know that I'm a "horrible friend", one that doesn't ask about how you're doing often, doesn't share much about my life on my own initiative, and really doesn't make that much effort to stay in touch all the time. But as I've been chatting with one of the Duke dudes occasionally and corresponding with some of the other people I met from their chapter, I've initiated every time and tried to maintain long, quality conversations. And through it all, I can't help asking myself, "What is wrong with me?". This is probably the wrong word, but I feel horribly "clingy", trying to hold on to a "friendship" that I know will more likely than not end up as merely a Facebook friendship. I feel like I need to keep a connection with these people, or I'll lose out on something, possibly because these are potentially the only new friends with "potential" that I'll meet in a while.
For all of you who are reading this that I keep regular contact with, don't feel betrayed. You know that I love you. It's not you it's me. Maybe we should start seeing other people. Okay that last one isn't true. But you I know I love you guys and I know I can tell you guys anything, but that's also part of why this whole issue is so confusing to me. Why do I need new friends when I've already got awesome ones? I think that part of me loves the platonic "thrill of the chase", getting to meet someone new and hear their story, which is something I got to do a lot in college through outreach and NSO but not a whole lot this last year in Fort Wayne.
And if you're from Duke, I don't want your pity! Go on and live your wonderful magnificent lives without me! I'll just write on your Facebook walls after Michigan beats you and wins the NCAA Championship! See you all in heaven!
Okay. This post was supposed to be an exclusively happy one about reconnecting with old friends and meeting new people, as the more introspective and sad ones were going to follow. Oh well. Life isn't always cat GIFS and unicorns. Hopefully the next post isn't as suckily sulky.
I realized that my unusual excitement from making new friends is probably because I really haven't had many of those experiences this last year in Fort Wayne. I've definitely made some friends in Fort Wayne, but I haven't had the opportunity to see someone and chat with them every day, like you might a new college friend. I haven't connected culturally with many people here, and I haven't made a friend with (or even met) a single Asian-American Christian in the year that I've been here. All in all, I've just missed making friends.
And to a point, I even feel desperate. I felt the unfamiliar need inside of me to get to know other people. I really wanted other people to be my friends. And this was kind of new to me. Pardon my pride, but I've thought of it kind of like "You should want to be friends with me, not the other way around, because it's a privilege to be friends with me. Don't you know? I'm friends with everyone! Get in line." Okay that was somewhat of an exaggeration, but still. I've never felt the need to make new friendships, as I already have a solid group of guys around me that I can go to with anything. But through Urbana, and now afterwards, there's been a hunger inside me for getting to know new people, and getting to know them beyond surface level.
This is all incredibly hard to explain, and probably awkward for you to read, so I'll give you a concrete example which may or may not make this entire post more awkward (also depending on who you are). I met a bunch of Duke IV students who were Asian and did Bible study with them in the morning. For me, instant connection. New Asian American friends? I haven't had those in a year! And Christians too? Bonus!! After getting a chance to chat with them a few times during Urbana week, I felt like they were my friends. Like. Friends. People that I'm invested emotionally in, not just random people I met during some giant Christian conference. I took every opportunity to chat with them when I saw them, and I even stopped by where they were hanging out right before Urbana finished just so I could say hi/bye.
If you know me, you know that I'm a "horrible friend", one that doesn't ask about how you're doing often, doesn't share much about my life on my own initiative, and really doesn't make that much effort to stay in touch all the time. But as I've been chatting with one of the Duke dudes occasionally and corresponding with some of the other people I met from their chapter, I've initiated every time and tried to maintain long, quality conversations. And through it all, I can't help asking myself, "What is wrong with me?". This is probably the wrong word, but I feel horribly "clingy", trying to hold on to a "friendship" that I know will more likely than not end up as merely a Facebook friendship. I feel like I need to keep a connection with these people, or I'll lose out on something, possibly because these are potentially the only new friends with "potential" that I'll meet in a while.
For all of you who are reading this that I keep regular contact with, don't feel betrayed. You know that I love you. It's not you it's me. Maybe we should start seeing other people. Okay that last one isn't true. But you I know I love you guys and I know I can tell you guys anything, but that's also part of why this whole issue is so confusing to me. Why do I need new friends when I've already got awesome ones? I think that part of me loves the platonic "thrill of the chase", getting to meet someone new and hear their story, which is something I got to do a lot in college through outreach and NSO but not a whole lot this last year in Fort Wayne.
And if you're from Duke, I don't want your pity! Go on and live your wonderful magnificent lives without me! I'll just write on your Facebook walls after Michigan beats you and wins the NCAA Championship! See you all in heaven!
Okay. This post was supposed to be an exclusively happy one about reconnecting with old friends and meeting new people, as the more introspective and sad ones were going to follow. Oh well. Life isn't always cat GIFS and unicorns. Hopefully the next post isn't as suckily sulky.
Urbana 2012 Posts
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Urbana 2012 - Denis (and Vladomir)
One of my favorite, favorite experiences at Urbana this year was getting to know Denis, a 30-year old IFES worker in Russia.
The Seminar
I went to a seminar called "Evangelizing in a Post-Modern country" and like Janice, who happened to be at the seminar with me, I expected to hear a methods and tips for evangelizing in post-Christian countries like the US and European countries. Instead, Vladomir, another IFES worker in Eurasia, told us that this track should have been titled "Evangelizing in a Post-Communist country". But in reality, the seminar wasn't really about evangelism. It was an overview and update of evangelicalism and IFES in Eurasia.
And I loved it. Both Vladomir and Denis, who split the hour giving their own presentations, were extremely funny to me, despite having imperfect English and being from across the globe. Our common sense of humor surprised me and made me instantly like them and empathize with all they were saying. I was immediately excited for Denis when he went up to speak and the first thing he did was apologize for his poor English and say that it was his first time in the US. Then he said that he hoped that we could understand him because he burnt his mouth eating a taco (his first!) too fast, as he tried really hard to be at the seminar on time. It's these types of humble and hilariously self-deprecating remarks that made me instantly connect with them.
Even though I didn't (and still don't) have a burden for any of the post-Soviet states, I was really moved by this seminar. The depth of love shown by Denis and Vladomir for God, those they serve, and the nations that they live in moved me deeply, and by the end of the seminar, I was on the verge of tearing up. It's a hard feeling to explain. Two guys I didn't know were talking about countries I didn't really care about, and I was moved to tears? Crazy.
I wanted to talk to Vladomir and Denis after the seminar to thank them for their talk, but there was a long line to talk to them and I had somewhere I needed to be, so I just left.
The IFES Stand
Then the next day (or perhaps the day after), as I took a seminar slot off to wander in the Exhibit Hall and the bookstore, I saw both Vladimir and Denis arrive at the IFES stand. I went to them, thanked them for their seminar, and mentioned how moved I was by their love for God and for those they serve. I chatted with Denis a bit, and got his contact info so I could stay connected with him. Then I told him "I'll be praying for you" and started to turn to talk away. But then I saw him just standing there, with eyes closed and his hands nicely folded at his waist. I guess he didn't understand the tense with which I spoke and thought I told him I would pray for him right there, but I went over anyways, put my arm around his shoulder, prayed for him and Vladomir, and gave him a big hug afterwards. It was awesome. Really awesome.
And that was one of my favorite moments, if not the favorite moment, of this Urbana. It was more exciting and awesome than it sounds. Trust me.
Bonus - A few factoids about ministry in the post-Soviet nations
The Seminar
I went to a seminar called "Evangelizing in a Post-Modern country" and like Janice, who happened to be at the seminar with me, I expected to hear a methods and tips for evangelizing in post-Christian countries like the US and European countries. Instead, Vladomir, another IFES worker in Eurasia, told us that this track should have been titled "Evangelizing in a Post-Communist country". But in reality, the seminar wasn't really about evangelism. It was an overview and update of evangelicalism and IFES in Eurasia.
And I loved it. Both Vladomir and Denis, who split the hour giving their own presentations, were extremely funny to me, despite having imperfect English and being from across the globe. Our common sense of humor surprised me and made me instantly like them and empathize with all they were saying. I was immediately excited for Denis when he went up to speak and the first thing he did was apologize for his poor English and say that it was his first time in the US. Then he said that he hoped that we could understand him because he burnt his mouth eating a taco (his first!) too fast, as he tried really hard to be at the seminar on time. It's these types of humble and hilariously self-deprecating remarks that made me instantly connect with them.
Even though I didn't (and still don't) have a burden for any of the post-Soviet states, I was really moved by this seminar. The depth of love shown by Denis and Vladomir for God, those they serve, and the nations that they live in moved me deeply, and by the end of the seminar, I was on the verge of tearing up. It's a hard feeling to explain. Two guys I didn't know were talking about countries I didn't really care about, and I was moved to tears? Crazy.
I wanted to talk to Vladomir and Denis after the seminar to thank them for their talk, but there was a long line to talk to them and I had somewhere I needed to be, so I just left.
The IFES Stand
Then the next day (or perhaps the day after), as I took a seminar slot off to wander in the Exhibit Hall and the bookstore, I saw both Vladimir and Denis arrive at the IFES stand. I went to them, thanked them for their seminar, and mentioned how moved I was by their love for God and for those they serve. I chatted with Denis a bit, and got his contact info so I could stay connected with him. Then I told him "I'll be praying for you" and started to turn to talk away. But then I saw him just standing there, with eyes closed and his hands nicely folded at his waist. I guess he didn't understand the tense with which I spoke and thought I told him I would pray for him right there, but I went over anyways, put my arm around his shoulder, prayed for him and Vladomir, and gave him a big hug afterwards. It was awesome. Really awesome.
And that was one of my favorite moments, if not the favorite moment, of this Urbana. It was more exciting and awesome than it sounds. Trust me.
Bonus - A few factoids about ministry in the post-Soviet nations
- The greatest challenges are the legacy of the past, hopelessness, a struggling economy, corruption, and broken families.
- In Belarus, it's illegal to study the Bible outside of a church building.
- The Orthodox church is oppresive towards Protestantism, and there is little cooperation between Protestant churches.
- Only 5% of Orthodox Christians go to temple. [Vladomir said that many Orthodox Christians go to temple regularly...two times a year.]
- When asked what their greatest prayer request is, the said, "Revival in the Orthodox Church". This response actually really, really surprised me, and it displayed a refreshing humility - both theological humility and humility to admit that they can't do it themselves.
Urbana 2012 Posts
Friday, January 4, 2013
Urbana 2012 - Major Differences
Because I attended the last Urbana, I've had a bunch of people ask me which one was "better". That question is difficult to answer, because I am a different person than I was 3 years ago, but I can point out some key differences in the Urbana experience between 2009 and 2012. I wonder how often and dramatically Urbana changes every three years, as there were already a good amount of differences between these two Urbanas.
1) "A Join-In" and no solidarity dinner
This year, one of the evening plenaries was set aside for doing making "Caregiver Kits" to the caregivers in Swaziland. It was basically a giant assembly line that each participant got to go through once, somewhat like a grown-up version of the little missions projects we do at VBS at home. Because of the massive number of participants, while we were seated, they had some little activities planned for us, such as a few short videos to watch and some questions for small group discussion. From what Greg Jao said that night (and from the name of the night itself), I think the whole point of it was to "join in" with what God was doing in and through others around the world - to feel a solidarity with the caregivers, if you will. Because of this, I believe that the solidarity dinner was purposely removed in favor of the join-in.
Now all of you who were at Urbana 09 are probably thinking, "No solidarity dinner? No mush and tiny Dixie cup of water? That's awesome!" I'm not going to disagree with you, but in my opinion, the Join-In was far from what the organizers had originally hoped for, in a couple of ways. First of all, the entire night seemed to embody the triumphalistic "West to the Rest" mentality that was so discouraged in both plenary sessions and in seminars. I grew uncomfortable with the loud cheering and the endless high-fives, as if we've contributed anything to the cause or accomplished something, when none of us paid for anything in the kits or really spent any energy putting them together. It didn't feel like we were "joining in" to anything - it felt like we were congratulating ourselves on a job well done. Secondly, the night went significantly longer than originally planned, leaving most of us bored and tired in the stands. This resulted in antics like the wave going around and people fighting to be captured on the big screen, which was understandable but still bothered me.
As you can tell, the join-in wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but in its defense, I remember thinking after the last Urbana that we talked so much about poverty and world hunger but didn't actually do anything about it. This year, the Urbana organizers decided to give us an opportunity to do something about social justice instead of just talking about it. Great intentions, but it didn't turn out exactly as what they had planned. I might write another post with some more thoughts on this. Stay tuned.
2) Excellent, relevant arts presentations
I'm not going to pretend to be some sort of arts expert, but I thought that the drama and dance performances this year were extremely well-done and especially memorable. Unlike three years ago, there was an awesome, hilarious series of skits this year with continuity throughout the entire conference. Also, there seemed to be a fusion of song, dance, and drama this Urbana that wasn't there last Urbana.
For those of you who weren't at this Urbana and are looking for some light, fun entertainment (not David Platt), I really recommend watching the arts performances, especially The Great Invitation videos, which can all be found here.
An aside - here's a quote from the book You Lost Me that describes disconnects between young adult Christians and the church:
3) Lesser focus on poverty/social justice and more on evangelism and sharing the gospel.
One of my friends here in Fort Wayne told me that he was at the last Urbana, and he said that he was bothered by the you-should-feel-guilty-for-buying-Starbucks-coffee-because-there-are-starving-kids-everywhere mentality. Even though I didn't really feel the same way as him, I could definitely see why. This year, the focus seemed to be exclusively on evangelism and the proclamation of the gospel, and there was very little time dedicated during plenaries to social justice issues, such as human trafficking, poverty, and world hunger. This is probably a function of the differing themes, with the theme for Urbana 2012 being "The Great Invitation", a seeming evangelistic-leaning theme, and the theme for Urbana 2009 being "The Word Became Flesh", which focused on incarnational living and missions. Not really better or worse either way, just different.
This last one is just my opinion, but:
4) Overall, less memorable speakers.
This is super subjective, but I think I enjoyed the speakers at the last Urbana significantly more than this one. My sister made the observation the speakers this year seemed to be really, really excellent (David Platt, Ram) or either forgettable (Terry LeBlanc, IFES guy) or didn't seem to have much to offer (Chai Ling, Brazilian lady). I really don't mean any of these speakers disrespect, as they all brought something different to the table (Urbana theme reference intended), but three years ago, I felt like my mind was constantly being blown by the speakers and I didn't feel that way this year. Maybe it's just because I've already been to an Urbana. Or maybe it's because there were less speakers this year due to the Join In. Or maybe that I connected better to the theme three years ago. Either way, off the top of my head, I remember loving the talks by Ramez, Oscar M, Sundar Krishnan, the rich Indian woman, Patrick Fung, and Korean-missionary-to-Japan Oh. Each of those talks and testimonies were life-changing to me in some way. This year, I just didn't feel that way about the speakers. Again, it could just be that I'm much different this year or that the topics spoken on didn't connect to me as well, but I definitely think I enjoyed the speakers more three years ago.
In addition, I enjoyed the exposition of Ramez Attalah more than Calisto Odede, but there really wasn't too much of a difference. Maybe I was just swayed by being overly moved by Ramez's awesome plot twist that made him choke up in front of everyone. But Calisto's "If it's not good enough for local consumption, it's not good enough for export" line was also really awesome.
All in all, the two Urbana's were actually very similar, with the main difference being difference emphases, which is probably from the theme difference. If you asked me, "So which Urbana was better?", I would respond, "It's not really for me to judge which one was 'better', but God worked in my life profoundly in different ways through both conferences."
1) "A Join-In" and no solidarity dinner
This year, one of the evening plenaries was set aside for doing making "Caregiver Kits" to the caregivers in Swaziland. It was basically a giant assembly line that each participant got to go through once, somewhat like a grown-up version of the little missions projects we do at VBS at home. Because of the massive number of participants, while we were seated, they had some little activities planned for us, such as a few short videos to watch and some questions for small group discussion. From what Greg Jao said that night (and from the name of the night itself), I think the whole point of it was to "join in" with what God was doing in and through others around the world - to feel a solidarity with the caregivers, if you will. Because of this, I believe that the solidarity dinner was purposely removed in favor of the join-in.
Now all of you who were at Urbana 09 are probably thinking, "No solidarity dinner? No mush and tiny Dixie cup of water? That's awesome!" I'm not going to disagree with you, but in my opinion, the Join-In was far from what the organizers had originally hoped for, in a couple of ways. First of all, the entire night seemed to embody the triumphalistic "West to the Rest" mentality that was so discouraged in both plenary sessions and in seminars. I grew uncomfortable with the loud cheering and the endless high-fives, as if we've contributed anything to the cause or accomplished something, when none of us paid for anything in the kits or really spent any energy putting them together. It didn't feel like we were "joining in" to anything - it felt like we were congratulating ourselves on a job well done. Secondly, the night went significantly longer than originally planned, leaving most of us bored and tired in the stands. This resulted in antics like the wave going around and people fighting to be captured on the big screen, which was understandable but still bothered me.
As you can tell, the join-in wasn't my favorite thing in the world, but in its defense, I remember thinking after the last Urbana that we talked so much about poverty and world hunger but didn't actually do anything about it. This year, the Urbana organizers decided to give us an opportunity to do something about social justice instead of just talking about it. Great intentions, but it didn't turn out exactly as what they had planned. I might write another post with some more thoughts on this. Stay tuned.
2) Excellent, relevant arts presentations
I'm not going to pretend to be some sort of arts expert, but I thought that the drama and dance performances this year were extremely well-done and especially memorable. Unlike three years ago, there was an awesome, hilarious series of skits this year with continuity throughout the entire conference. Also, there seemed to be a fusion of song, dance, and drama this Urbana that wasn't there last Urbana.
For those of you who weren't at this Urbana and are looking for some light, fun entertainment (not David Platt), I really recommend watching the arts performances, especially The Great Invitation videos, which can all be found here.
An aside - here's a quote from the book You Lost Me that describes disconnects between young adult Christians and the church:
"A related gap is the church's loss of 'creatives,', musicians, visual and performance artists, filmmakers, poets, skaters, and surfers, storytellers, writers, and so in...Frequently the modern church struggles to know what to do with right-brained talent. What has traditionally been a fertile gruond for the arts - the church - is now generally perceived as uncreative, overprotective, and stifling."I must say that I am very impressed with Intervarsity's commitment to give students opportunities to glorify God through all their talents.
3) Lesser focus on poverty/social justice and more on evangelism and sharing the gospel.
One of my friends here in Fort Wayne told me that he was at the last Urbana, and he said that he was bothered by the you-should-feel-guilty-for-buying-Starbucks-coffee-because-there-are-starving-kids-everywhere mentality. Even though I didn't really feel the same way as him, I could definitely see why. This year, the focus seemed to be exclusively on evangelism and the proclamation of the gospel, and there was very little time dedicated during plenaries to social justice issues, such as human trafficking, poverty, and world hunger. This is probably a function of the differing themes, with the theme for Urbana 2012 being "The Great Invitation", a seeming evangelistic-leaning theme, and the theme for Urbana 2009 being "The Word Became Flesh", which focused on incarnational living and missions. Not really better or worse either way, just different.
This last one is just my opinion, but:
4) Overall, less memorable speakers.
This is super subjective, but I think I enjoyed the speakers at the last Urbana significantly more than this one. My sister made the observation the speakers this year seemed to be really, really excellent (David Platt, Ram) or either forgettable (Terry LeBlanc, IFES guy) or didn't seem to have much to offer (Chai Ling, Brazilian lady). I really don't mean any of these speakers disrespect, as they all brought something different to the table (Urbana theme reference intended), but three years ago, I felt like my mind was constantly being blown by the speakers and I didn't feel that way this year. Maybe it's just because I've already been to an Urbana. Or maybe it's because there were less speakers this year due to the Join In. Or maybe that I connected better to the theme three years ago. Either way, off the top of my head, I remember loving the talks by Ramez, Oscar M, Sundar Krishnan, the rich Indian woman, Patrick Fung, and Korean-missionary-to-Japan Oh. Each of those talks and testimonies were life-changing to me in some way. This year, I just didn't feel that way about the speakers. Again, it could just be that I'm much different this year or that the topics spoken on didn't connect to me as well, but I definitely think I enjoyed the speakers more three years ago.
In addition, I enjoyed the exposition of Ramez Attalah more than Calisto Odede, but there really wasn't too much of a difference. Maybe I was just swayed by being overly moved by Ramez's awesome plot twist that made him choke up in front of everyone. But Calisto's "If it's not good enough for local consumption, it's not good enough for export" line was also really awesome.
All in all, the two Urbana's were actually very similar, with the main difference being difference emphases, which is probably from the theme difference. If you asked me, "So which Urbana was better?", I would respond, "It's not really for me to judge which one was 'better', but God worked in my life profoundly in different ways through both conferences."
Urbana 2012 Posts
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Urbana 2012 - Early Distractions
Upon arriving at Urbana, I found myself immediately distracted. I was all of a sudden surrounded by tons of young people who loved God. Moreover, there were possible more Asians at Urbana than all of the Asians in Fort Wayne combined. All of these "unfamiliar" factors, paired with the fatigue of driving, made me internally irritable and susceptible to sin and distraction.
1) Judgement
My immediate reaction often when seeing other Christians, especially students, is to judge. I size them up spiritually. I mentally rate their chapters and think about if they look "Christian" or not. I find the need to be the "best Christian" in the room. I get annoyed when others are loud or unruly, and secretly condemn as self-righteous those who are reading their Bibles out in public. Luckily, well more like unluckily, I've dealt this this extensively in the past, and was able to catch myself and fight the temptation to judge others. That said, constantly suppressing unloving thoughts is still a long, tiring, distracting mental battle.
2) Judgement v2
Forgive me for the crappy euphemistic title, but I couldn't think up any other title that would this sound not creepy. Basically, I was experiencing the crippling distraction that a young, single guy who hasn't met anyone potential "suitees" in an entire year experiences when he's all of a sudden surrounded by Christian girls everywhere. Y'all know what I mean, so I'll just leave it at that.
3) Worrying about others
Often times, my desire for others to fully enjoy and experience God spills over into an overly controlling will for others. Because this was the first time my parents were at Urbana, I really paid attention to their reactions to the various speakers, and I got antsy or even upset if I felt like they weren't enjoying their time there. This worry was also present in the more mundane, everyday aspects of Urbana, like having worrying that the walk from the hotel to the convention center would be too far for my parents,worrying that my parents might get lost in the crowd, and wondering when my family was going to arrive at Bible study after I had saved a row of seats for them. This worrying gradually faded, as I learned to trust both God and my family more - that God would speak to to my parents in whatever way He desired, and that my family was going to arrive reasonably on time to most things and not get lost getting there.
The first night I was there, these distractions really bothered me, as I felt like they were keeping me from all the great things that God wanted to teach me. Thinking back on it though, I think that God was specifically teaching me through these distractions. I was reminded of my poisonous pride, my circumstantial contentment, and my controlling tendencies. Like Calisto Odede (the expositor this year) said the next day, I needed to deal with my sin and the hardness of my heart before I could expect God to speak in my life elsewhere. As I'll share a bit more in the posts to come (that I've already started writing), God used Urbana to force me to inspect my heart in ways that I haven't in a while, and these distractions early in the conference are a great example of that.
I'd also like to thank all of you who prayed for me these last few days while I was at Urbana. I can say with certainty that God honored those prayers, and God gave me the eyes to see the darkness of my heart and the strength to rely on Him more, and these distraction faded into the background as the week went on.
1) Judgement
My immediate reaction often when seeing other Christians, especially students, is to judge. I size them up spiritually. I mentally rate their chapters and think about if they look "Christian" or not. I find the need to be the "best Christian" in the room. I get annoyed when others are loud or unruly, and secretly condemn as self-righteous those who are reading their Bibles out in public. Luckily, well more like unluckily, I've dealt this this extensively in the past, and was able to catch myself and fight the temptation to judge others. That said, constantly suppressing unloving thoughts is still a long, tiring, distracting mental battle.
2) Judgement v2
Forgive me for the crappy euphemistic title, but I couldn't think up any other title that would this sound not creepy. Basically, I was experiencing the crippling distraction that a young, single guy who hasn't met anyone potential "suitees" in an entire year experiences when he's all of a sudden surrounded by Christian girls everywhere. Y'all know what I mean, so I'll just leave it at that.
3) Worrying about others
Often times, my desire for others to fully enjoy and experience God spills over into an overly controlling will for others. Because this was the first time my parents were at Urbana, I really paid attention to their reactions to the various speakers, and I got antsy or even upset if I felt like they weren't enjoying their time there. This worry was also present in the more mundane, everyday aspects of Urbana, like having worrying that the walk from the hotel to the convention center would be too far for my parents,worrying that my parents might get lost in the crowd, and wondering when my family was going to arrive at Bible study after I had saved a row of seats for them. This worrying gradually faded, as I learned to trust both God and my family more - that God would speak to to my parents in whatever way He desired, and that my family was going to arrive reasonably on time to most things and not get lost getting there.
The first night I was there, these distractions really bothered me, as I felt like they were keeping me from all the great things that God wanted to teach me. Thinking back on it though, I think that God was specifically teaching me through these distractions. I was reminded of my poisonous pride, my circumstantial contentment, and my controlling tendencies. Like Calisto Odede (the expositor this year) said the next day, I needed to deal with my sin and the hardness of my heart before I could expect God to speak in my life elsewhere. As I'll share a bit more in the posts to come (that I've already started writing), God used Urbana to force me to inspect my heart in ways that I haven't in a while, and these distractions early in the conference are a great example of that.
I'd also like to thank all of you who prayed for me these last few days while I was at Urbana. I can say with certainty that God honored those prayers, and God gave me the eyes to see the darkness of my heart and the strength to rely on Him more, and these distraction faded into the background as the week went on.
Urbana 2012 Posts
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Urbana 2012 - Expectations
A couple of you have emailed me asking me how Urbana was for me, and I haven't really known how to answer. There have been some really awesome, spiritually refreshing "earthquake" parts, and there have been other more subtle, encouraging "whisper" parts. I hope to write up some thoughts about Urbana in the next few days to share my experience this year.
I think it would be appropriate to start from the beginning, with my expectations going into the conference. On the drive to Urbana, I asked myself the question, "What am I trying to get out of coming to Urbana?" It was a question that I didn't have the chance to think about much before the conference, with the business of friends visiting and then my family spending Christmas at my apartment. And to be honest, I had a hard time coming up with anything concrete. I think I had originally registered because 1) Iris was going to go, 2) I knew it was an awesome conference and wanted to go again, 3) I wanted to see old AIV friends again, and 4) I wanted my parents to experience Urbana. It's obvious that none of those reasons were expectations or hope for God to work specifically in my life. So what exactly did I want?
I wasn't really sure what I wanted to get out of it, but I knew what I wasn't trying to get out of Urbana.
1) I wasn't seeking a boost out of a spiritual high.
Urbana will give any Christian a spiritual high, no doubt. But that's not why I was going. I wasn't under the illusion that the conference would fix any of my spiritual problems or that I would be left in a permanent spiritual high. Prior to attending Urbana, I had just sent an email to a friend about how Christian living is all about the daily grind, the daily decisions to deny self and follow Jesus. I knew that a spiritual high isn't a true solution, and I wasn't seeking it at Urbana.
2) I wasn't seeking an immediate ministry calling.
Unlike three years ago, when my future was pretty much up for grabs, I now have a stable job that I enjoy and a lot of school debt that needs to be paid off. I don't feel any real tug towards ministry (yet) and I feel pretty certain about my calling to be here in Fort Wayne, at least for the short term. And I feel content with that calling. Even last year, I was really hoping I would be called to ministry, and I even tried to earn that calling, in some ways. But not now. Fort Wayne is where I need to be now, and it's still too early to think years into the future, as there's so much that can happen and change.
So what was I expecting out of Urbana? I don't think I really knew. I wasn't very well-prepared spiritually. I knew I wanted to hear God speak to me, but I wasn't sure how and in what context. Luckily, we worship a gracious God who chooses to surprise us, even though we aren't deserving. The following posts will expand on the many things, both big and small, that God blessed me with in my days at Urbana.
I think it would be appropriate to start from the beginning, with my expectations going into the conference. On the drive to Urbana, I asked myself the question, "What am I trying to get out of coming to Urbana?" It was a question that I didn't have the chance to think about much before the conference, with the business of friends visiting and then my family spending Christmas at my apartment. And to be honest, I had a hard time coming up with anything concrete. I think I had originally registered because 1) Iris was going to go, 2) I knew it was an awesome conference and wanted to go again, 3) I wanted to see old AIV friends again, and 4) I wanted my parents to experience Urbana. It's obvious that none of those reasons were expectations or hope for God to work specifically in my life. So what exactly did I want?
I wasn't really sure what I wanted to get out of it, but I knew what I wasn't trying to get out of Urbana.
1) I wasn't seeking a boost out of a spiritual high.
Urbana will give any Christian a spiritual high, no doubt. But that's not why I was going. I wasn't under the illusion that the conference would fix any of my spiritual problems or that I would be left in a permanent spiritual high. Prior to attending Urbana, I had just sent an email to a friend about how Christian living is all about the daily grind, the daily decisions to deny self and follow Jesus. I knew that a spiritual high isn't a true solution, and I wasn't seeking it at Urbana.
2) I wasn't seeking an immediate ministry calling.
Unlike three years ago, when my future was pretty much up for grabs, I now have a stable job that I enjoy and a lot of school debt that needs to be paid off. I don't feel any real tug towards ministry (yet) and I feel pretty certain about my calling to be here in Fort Wayne, at least for the short term. And I feel content with that calling. Even last year, I was really hoping I would be called to ministry, and I even tried to earn that calling, in some ways. But not now. Fort Wayne is where I need to be now, and it's still too early to think years into the future, as there's so much that can happen and change.
So what was I expecting out of Urbana? I don't think I really knew. I wasn't very well-prepared spiritually. I knew I wanted to hear God speak to me, but I wasn't sure how and in what context. Luckily, we worship a gracious God who chooses to surprise us, even though we aren't deserving. The following posts will expand on the many things, both big and small, that God blessed me with in my days at Urbana.
Urbana 2012 Posts
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