[Sorry this post is all over the place. I am tired, but I felt that it was important for me to jot down my thoughts before I forget them all.]
Friday night, after doing equipment with Sam at Sara's, I drove Sam back to Carriage. When I was trying to parallel park in front of Carriage, I scraped the side of another car pretty badly. I left a note saying sorry, giving my phone number, and saying I was willing to pay. The rest of the night, there wasn't much else I could think about, as the uncertainty of it all just lingered in my head. Was the person going to call me? Would the note I left magically disappear so I wouldn't really be liable? How much would the damages be? I went to bed before any of these questions could be answered. When I woke up, I received a text from the person who owned the car that I scraped, and it actually turned out to be someone I knew - a friend from campus.
It feels worse to know who I've wronged.
I can't tell you what's worse - having to deal with a stranger I don't trust with large sums of money or feeling that deep guilt and shame that I screwed up my friend's car. I'm definitely grateful that I know I won't be cheated for money in any way, but the deep guilt and sorrow that comes with knowing the person I wronged really hit me hard this morning. It's hard to explain exactly why, but the guilt I felt would almost certainly be less intense had it been a total stranger I had run into. I think that if it had been a total stranger, the only thing that would have hurt is my wallet. But since I know who I've wronged, not only will my wallet hurt, but my pride is hurt and more importantly, my heart is hurt. The guilt really almost felt unbearable this morning. It's weird that even if I was willing to pay for all the damages, it still didn't feel like it was enough. It's kind of hard to explain.
It's always hard for me to forgive myself.
My friend has been very gracious to me, and has dealt with me in gentleness. I don't know if he is still angry at me (not that it would be inappropriate for him to be), but I really appreciate the way he's communicated with me. Whether or not he has indeed forgiven me, I have a really hard time forgiving myself. It's hard for me to even accept his forgiveness, as if I don't deserve any of the grace offered. This incident is only one example of this - I've always had trouble forgiving myself for anything. It's hard for me to accept that grace is free and that forgiveness is free, and that I don't need to do anything to earn it (even though in this case, there will definitely be some money involved for fixing his car). Why do I still feel so terrible, even though it's a done deal? Why do I always let my wrongs and flaws define who I am?
This is true especially in my spiritual life, when I can't forgive myself for things that I know that the Almighty God, the Righteous Judge, has already forgiven me for. I need to learn to understand and accept forgiveness - both from God and from others.
I trust God to redeem my mistake.
This all said, I trust that God will continue to use this experience for my good. Even though this mistake is mine and mine alone, if I submit myself to God, He can and will use this experience to glorify Himself in and through me. I'm not sure what that looks like yet, but I will hold on to God's promise in Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
The Fable of the Flyers
[Disclaimer: This account is not intended to replace Scripture and does not even intend to convey the same meaning as Scripture. This story is a mere interesting thought that I had in my head as I handed out quarter-sheets before Bubble Tea Bash. I hope no one finds this offensive towards Scripture.]
Some additional random observations from flyering:
Most likely to accept a flyer: International Asian girls
Least likely to accept a flyer: Anyone who seems to be on a Umich athletic squad, non-freshmen (old people).
Displays the most excitement when accepting a flyer: White girls
Most polite when declining a flyer: White girls in groups, white guys (especially frat boys)
Least polite in declining a flyer: White girls traveling alone
"That day at 3:00, Caleb went out of his shady apartment and stood beside the Chem Atrium. And great crowds of people walked all around him, so that he decided it would be a good place to position himself to hand out flyers. After handing out flyers for over two hours, he thought up the following fable, which he cleverly named The Fable of the Flyers."
The Fable of the Flyers
"An AIV member went out to hand out flyers to tell people the good news that there was going to be free Bubble Tea inside the Chemistry Building at 5:00. As he handed out the flyers, some people immediately crumbled up the flyers in their hands. Other people took the flyers, walked inside the building, and walked back out after seeing the long line. Still other people were excited to go, but after discovering the event started at 5:00, eventually decided not to go because they were busy. Other people took the flyers with excitement, convinced their friends to go, and enjoyed free bubble tea. He who has a mouth, let him drink bubble tea."
The Fable of the Flyers Explained
"Hear then the fable of the flyers. When anyone hears the awesome, great, Gospel news and immediately disregards it, the evil one has come and crumbled up the flier given to him. These are the flyers that were never even looked at. As for the people who took the flier but left immediately after seeing the long line, this is the one who receives the Gospel and immediately receives it with joy, yet when inconvenience, discomfort, tribulation or persecution arises on account of the word, he immediately falls away. As for the flyers to people who decided eventually not to come, this is the one who hears the Gospel, but the cares of the world and the deceitfulness and attractiveness of distractions choke the word, and it proves unfruitful. As for the flier that caused a person to come enjoy free refreshing bubble tea, this is the one who hears the Gospel and understands it. He indeed brings free bubble tea to many others, in one case 100 friends, in another 60, and in another 30."
Some additional random observations from flyering:
Most likely to accept a flyer: International Asian girls
Least likely to accept a flyer: Anyone who seems to be on a Umich athletic squad, non-freshmen (old people).
Displays the most excitement when accepting a flyer: White girls
Most polite when declining a flyer: White girls in groups, white guys (especially frat boys)
Least polite in declining a flyer: White girls traveling alone
Thursday, September 1, 2011
A Little Lesson on God's Sovereignty
We all know the cliche "Everything happens for a reason", but as I've shared with some of you, this summer I learned that the truth that everything, good or bad, ultimately happens for God's glory. I've learned this summer that whenever we are confronted with a "why" question, like "Why does God allow suffering?" or "Why can I not find a job yet?", the answer is always: "Because in some way, God is glorified."
This has been monumental in my life, as hardships and difficulties are transformed from annoyances to opportunities. No longer do I need to complain about things I can't change, but I can investigate how I can glorify God in the situation he has placed me in.
[Disclaimer: Now I need to say that I know this in my head, but I'm still growing in this faith and belief in my heart. The following example I'm going to share is a relatively trivial one, and I have yet to experience truly deep pain and sorrow such as the loss of a loved one. I trust that God is growing me in my faith in Him, that I will be able to increasingly trust him.]
The Plan
I had an appointment to pick up the keys to my new apartment Thursday September 1st at 12:30 PM, as my lease started on that day and I was supposed to move into my apartment. Because I was keeping a lot of my stuff at a family friend's house, I expected to be able to pick it all up Wednesday night so that I would be able to move in all my stuff on Thursday before North Campus BBQ later that day. I was going to attend the evangelism training on Wednesday from 7:00-8:30, then skip chalking for a second time to go get my stuff at around 9. On Thursday, I was going to move out of Sara's in the late morning, eat lunch with Iris, and unload all my stuff in my apartment and move in. I would spend time wiping down the cabinets, organizing my boxes, putting sheets on the bed, etc, and would head off to NCBBQ at around 3:00.
The Problem
I found out on Wednesday that the person staying at the house with all my stuff wasn't free on Wednesday, which meant that I would need to pick up my stuff late the next day (Thursday) after NCBBQ at around 10. This meant that I would need to pick up my stuff, unload it at my apartment, and clean and prepare my apartment before going to sleep Thursday night and waking up for Bubble Tea Bash on Friday.
When I first heard that he wasn't free to let me in to move my stuff, I was annoyed that my perfect plan seemed to be ruined. I was a bit annoyed because I thought we had agreed upon Wednesday for me to come over, but I was even more angry at myself for not reminding him about it.My next two days of NSO intensity would also be made even more difficult with the need to change my plans around, and there was a whole lot of additional uncertainty to my plans over the next few days. I didn't even know if I could move in on time or if I would have enough time to clean up my apartment, put on bed sheets, etc on Thursday night after a long day of NCBBQ.
The Fruit
(Things I would have missed, had my original plan held and I had gotten my stuff on Wednesday night instead of Thursday evening)
Chalking on Wednesday night
I first remembered that all that happens is ultimately for God's glory after the evangelism training ended at 8:30 on Wednesday. I had nowhere to go, as I had previously planned to go pick up my stuff. I had previously intentionally planned not to go chalking, as that time had been set apart for personal errands. After I decided to go chalking, I realized that by postponing the picking up of my stuff, God was very clearly using me for his glory - chalking on campus to make his name known. I realized the direct connection between having my plan altered and publicly glorifying God through publicity. I also recognized that while chalking is good publicity, God needs to work in people's hearts when they see the chalking and when they attend BTB for His name to be known and for him to be even more glorified. It was out of this understood the futility of chalking of God didn't work in people's hearts. Not only did this realization humble me, but it gave me an urge and a burden to pray constantly for God to use the chalking I was doing and to beg for God to use me. I didn't take for granted (as I normally do) that God was going to use me, but the desire for God to be glorified was too overwhelming for me not to beg God to do His good work through my chalking. I believe that God was glorified not only in my chalking, but also in the change in my heart that He did, and none of this would have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
Awesome car-ride conversation with Chris
Chris called me Thursday at around 10:30 to ask me if I could drive him home to Northville to pick up Karen's stuff she left there and bring it back to campus. Originally, if I had already picked up my stuff on Wednesday night, I would not have had time on Thursday to help Chris out, as I would have to completely unload and organize my room before NCBBQ. However, because I didn't have any of my stuff yet and didn't really need to move in yet, I had the opportunity to spend a bunch of time with Chris on the car and at his house. We had a bunch of really awesome Christ-centered conversations that I thoroughly enjoyed. We got a chance to encourage one another and to share a bit of our lives with one another. I believe that God was glorified in our time together, and this would not have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
Opportunity to practice humility and faith
On Thursday, I had originally planned on getting my night after NCBBQ, but the person at the house told me that around 6 would be a better time. I had a difficult decision to make, as NCBBQ went from 5-8PM. Should I, as a Core member and an "important" person in the fellowship leave one of our most important events to run a personal errand? It didn't seem like there was any other possibility but to leave NCBBQ and to go get my stuff. God reminded me how prideful my thinking was and how I need to trust Him more. God's mission on campus, the salvation of non-believers, and the success of NCBBQ isn't based on whether or not I, Caleb Tseng, am there. God is in total control, and it's foolish to think that God needs me in some way, and that He can't operate without me. I needed to take that step of faith that even if I left NCBBQ for an hour, conversations would still be happening, and the earth would still be revolving around the sun. I believe that my submission to the sovereignty of God and the absolute power of His will was glorifying to God, and this would not have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
Bonding time with Josh
I decided it would be wise to get my personal stuff done and to get back to NCBBQ as soon as possible, so I decided to ask someone to come help me load my car. I ended up bringing Josh Leung, and it was a nice opportunity for us to talk about NCBBQ and NSO in general. It wasn't anything as groundbreaking or significant as my longer car-ride with Christ, but Josh and I had a good chance to just talk about how we saw God working in our hearts and in NCBBQ so far. I believe that God was glorified in our time spend together, and this would not have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
Conclusion
None of this would have happened if God had kept my plan. I am not saying that God would not have been glorified had we gotten a chance to load my van at the planned time, but I now understand more and believe more deeply (at least a little more) that God really does work for the good of those who love him and that in all situations, whether or not they are inconvenient, annoying, or even painful to us, God seeks to be glorified. It is important for me to remember that when issues arise, I should be more concerned with how God is being glorified and how He can be glorified rather than being annoyed at God for not doing things the way I had wanted.
To God be the glory.
Bonus Video:
The following video is really, really awesome and has been instrumental to my growth and increasing trust in God's goodness in all situations. Here, John Piper interviews a father who describes the difficulty and struggle with God over having a child born with no eyes. It's an absolute must-watch.
This has been monumental in my life, as hardships and difficulties are transformed from annoyances to opportunities. No longer do I need to complain about things I can't change, but I can investigate how I can glorify God in the situation he has placed me in.
[Disclaimer: Now I need to say that I know this in my head, but I'm still growing in this faith and belief in my heart. The following example I'm going to share is a relatively trivial one, and I have yet to experience truly deep pain and sorrow such as the loss of a loved one. I trust that God is growing me in my faith in Him, that I will be able to increasingly trust him.]
The Plan
I had an appointment to pick up the keys to my new apartment Thursday September 1st at 12:30 PM, as my lease started on that day and I was supposed to move into my apartment. Because I was keeping a lot of my stuff at a family friend's house, I expected to be able to pick it all up Wednesday night so that I would be able to move in all my stuff on Thursday before North Campus BBQ later that day. I was going to attend the evangelism training on Wednesday from 7:00-8:30, then skip chalking for a second time to go get my stuff at around 9. On Thursday, I was going to move out of Sara's in the late morning, eat lunch with Iris, and unload all my stuff in my apartment and move in. I would spend time wiping down the cabinets, organizing my boxes, putting sheets on the bed, etc, and would head off to NCBBQ at around 3:00.
The Problem
I found out on Wednesday that the person staying at the house with all my stuff wasn't free on Wednesday, which meant that I would need to pick up my stuff late the next day (Thursday) after NCBBQ at around 10. This meant that I would need to pick up my stuff, unload it at my apartment, and clean and prepare my apartment before going to sleep Thursday night and waking up for Bubble Tea Bash on Friday.
When I first heard that he wasn't free to let me in to move my stuff, I was annoyed that my perfect plan seemed to be ruined. I was a bit annoyed because I thought we had agreed upon Wednesday for me to come over, but I was even more angry at myself for not reminding him about it.My next two days of NSO intensity would also be made even more difficult with the need to change my plans around, and there was a whole lot of additional uncertainty to my plans over the next few days. I didn't even know if I could move in on time or if I would have enough time to clean up my apartment, put on bed sheets, etc on Thursday night after a long day of NCBBQ.
The Fruit
(Things I would have missed, had my original plan held and I had gotten my stuff on Wednesday night instead of Thursday evening)
Chalking on Wednesday night
I first remembered that all that happens is ultimately for God's glory after the evangelism training ended at 8:30 on Wednesday. I had nowhere to go, as I had previously planned to go pick up my stuff. I had previously intentionally planned not to go chalking, as that time had been set apart for personal errands. After I decided to go chalking, I realized that by postponing the picking up of my stuff, God was very clearly using me for his glory - chalking on campus to make his name known. I realized the direct connection between having my plan altered and publicly glorifying God through publicity. I also recognized that while chalking is good publicity, God needs to work in people's hearts when they see the chalking and when they attend BTB for His name to be known and for him to be even more glorified. It was out of this understood the futility of chalking of God didn't work in people's hearts. Not only did this realization humble me, but it gave me an urge and a burden to pray constantly for God to use the chalking I was doing and to beg for God to use me. I didn't take for granted (as I normally do) that God was going to use me, but the desire for God to be glorified was too overwhelming for me not to beg God to do His good work through my chalking. I believe that God was glorified not only in my chalking, but also in the change in my heart that He did, and none of this would have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
 |
| My biggest and best chalking that night. Notice the awesome colors! |
 |
| A less blurry, but less "bright" picture. |
Awesome car-ride conversation with Chris
Chris called me Thursday at around 10:30 to ask me if I could drive him home to Northville to pick up Karen's stuff she left there and bring it back to campus. Originally, if I had already picked up my stuff on Wednesday night, I would not have had time on Thursday to help Chris out, as I would have to completely unload and organize my room before NCBBQ. However, because I didn't have any of my stuff yet and didn't really need to move in yet, I had the opportunity to spend a bunch of time with Chris on the car and at his house. We had a bunch of really awesome Christ-centered conversations that I thoroughly enjoyed. We got a chance to encourage one another and to share a bit of our lives with one another. I believe that God was glorified in our time together, and this would not have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
Opportunity to practice humility and faith
On Thursday, I had originally planned on getting my night after NCBBQ, but the person at the house told me that around 6 would be a better time. I had a difficult decision to make, as NCBBQ went from 5-8PM. Should I, as a Core member and an "important" person in the fellowship leave one of our most important events to run a personal errand? It didn't seem like there was any other possibility but to leave NCBBQ and to go get my stuff. God reminded me how prideful my thinking was and how I need to trust Him more. God's mission on campus, the salvation of non-believers, and the success of NCBBQ isn't based on whether or not I, Caleb Tseng, am there. God is in total control, and it's foolish to think that God needs me in some way, and that He can't operate without me. I needed to take that step of faith that even if I left NCBBQ for an hour, conversations would still be happening, and the earth would still be revolving around the sun. I believe that my submission to the sovereignty of God and the absolute power of His will was glorifying to God, and this would not have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
Bonding time with Josh
I decided it would be wise to get my personal stuff done and to get back to NCBBQ as soon as possible, so I decided to ask someone to come help me load my car. I ended up bringing Josh Leung, and it was a nice opportunity for us to talk about NCBBQ and NSO in general. It wasn't anything as groundbreaking or significant as my longer car-ride with Christ, but Josh and I had a good chance to just talk about how we saw God working in our hearts and in NCBBQ so far. I believe that God was glorified in our time spend together, and this would not have happened had I gotten my stuff on Wednesday night as I had planned.
Conclusion
None of this would have happened if God had kept my plan. I am not saying that God would not have been glorified had we gotten a chance to load my van at the planned time, but I now understand more and believe more deeply (at least a little more) that God really does work for the good of those who love him and that in all situations, whether or not they are inconvenient, annoying, or even painful to us, God seeks to be glorified. It is important for me to remember that when issues arise, I should be more concerned with how God is being glorified and how He can be glorified rather than being annoyed at God for not doing things the way I had wanted.
To God be the glory.
Bonus Video:
The following video is really, really awesome and has been instrumental to my growth and increasing trust in God's goodness in all situations. Here, John Piper interviews a father who describes the difficulty and struggle with God over having a child born with no eyes. It's an absolute must-watch.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Fantasy Football - Caleb's Medium-Sized Board
Here is a quick list of my top 50 players for this next fantasy season I put together just for fun. I wish I had more time to make it a complete 100, but I'm leaving for Michigan soon! I've highlighted the players I'm particularly high and low on. I just threw this list together, so it's not really that great of a list, but that's okay. It's also obvious that I used the Yahoo Rankings as my baseline and moved players up and down, because the ESPN rankings are completely different. Feedback would be appreciated.
Assumed Scoring: 0.5 PPR, Yahoo standard otherwise.
Assumed Scoring: 0.5 PPR, Yahoo standard otherwise.
| 1 | Adrian Peterson | Consistency is king, and AP has been consistently awesome. McNabb only helps. |
| 2 | Arian Foster | One-year wonder. Let's see if he can do it again. Houston does look good, though. |
| 3 | Ray Rice | Valuable for receptions, and can break the long run. No more McGahee to steal TDs |
| 4 | Jamaal Charles | Crazy fast, reminds of CJ. Cassel and KC getting better and better, but Charles only had 5 TDs last year. |
| 5 | Chris Johnson | Main question: Can he get his deal done? |
| 6 | LeSean Mccoy | A not-as-rich man's Ray Rice. Had 78 receptions for 592 yards last season. Insane. |
| 7 | Andre Johnson | Big man, great hands, good quarterback, awesome offense. Also, good boxer. |
| 8 | Rashard Mendenhall | Solid back - he'll get his touches. |
| 9 | Michael Turner | If the Burner can stay healthy, TD's should come often and easy. Doesn't catch many balls, though. |
| 10 | Calvin Johnson | Megatron produced no matter who's under center - will beast if Stafford stays healthy. |
| 11 | Larry Fitzgerald | Will Kevin Kolb be able to feed the beast? I think so. |
| 12 | Roddy White | Matty Ice only getting better and better. We'll see if Julio takes away some of his productiveness. |
| 13 | Aaron Rodgers | Passer rating of 101.2 last season, and no indication of slowing down. Finley's return will only help. |
| 14 | Michael Vick | Million dollar question: Can Vick stay healthy through all 16 games of the season? |
| 15 | Darren McFadden | Was electric when he played. Too bad he's on the Raiders, but he'll get his touches. |
| 16 | Maurice Jones-Drew | Top 3 back in 2009, top 15 back in 2010. Has had knee problems, but hey, at least he plays the Colts twice a year! |
| 17 | Shonne Greene | Sanchez to Plaxico fade in the endzone will have Greene owners groaning. |
| 18 | Frank Gore | Alex Smith not turn the ball over enough for old-man Gore to touch the ball? Who knows. |
| 19 | Tom Brady | 36 TD to 4 INT in 2010. Ochocinco will definitely help stretch the field. |
| 20 | Drew Brees | Threw 22 picks last year - way too many to still be elite. |
| 21 | Matt Forte | Bears OL probably worst in the league, but those screen plays seem to be...*puts on sunglasses*...his forte. |
| 22 | Steven Jackson | The workhorse finally has a quarterback! Won't get as much work as in the past, but should have higher YPR. |
| 23 | Hakeem Nicks | Had one great season, but still doesn't change the fact that it's Eli throwing it to him. |
| 24 | Peyton Hillis | As if his past mediocrity isn't bad enough, he's on the Browns. I'm not sold on his talent. |
| 25 | Tony Romo | Averaged nearly 30 TDs from 2007-2010. Has weapons all over the field. Has chance to be top 3 fantasy QBs. |
| 26 | Miles Austin | Romo's healthy, but Witten and Dez might steal his TDs. |
| 27 | Philip Rivers | Usually has great numbers. Will his inability to actually win games catch up with his statistics? |
| 28 | Vincent Jackson | Held out in 2010, but should have a good season as long as Rivers continues playing well. |
| 29 | Mike Wallace | 60 receptions in 2010, but the Steelers will always be a run-first offense. |
| 30 | LeGarrette Blount | Decent speed, and big enough to punch it in at the goal line. Upside back. |
| 31 | Mike Williams | The Bucs are poised to have a great season with Freeman at the helm. Williams had 11 TDs last season - look for that number to increase. |
| 32 | Ahmad Bradshaw | Very fast, but had 6 fumbles lost last year. Jacobs has also looked good in the preseason. |
| 33 | Brandon Lloyd | Lloyd quietly led the entire NFL for yards receiving with 1448 yards. Let's hope Orton keeps that starting job. |
| 34 | Dwayne Bowe | Led the league in TD receptions with 15. There's no reason why that number would drop much lower this year. |
| 35 | Peyton Manning | Peyton will be Peyton...unless his neck continues to hurt. |
| 36 | Ryan Grant | Packers didn't look like they needed much of a running game last season for their Super Bowl. Wonder what his workload will be like this season. |
| 37 | Greg Jennings | Jermichael Finley healthy - 4 TDs in 2009. Jermichael Finley injured - 12 TDs in 2010. Finley is healthy again, so look for that TD count to drop. |
| 38 | Reggie Wayne | Has had at least 1000 yards in the last 7 seasons, but Peyton problems and old age (33!) are red flags. |
| 39 | Dez Bryant | Had 6 TDs last year despite Romo's injury. If he can keep his off the field issues off the field, he could easily jump Miles Austin as Dallas' #1 fantasy WR. |
| 40 | DeSean Jackson | Only had 47 receptions last year, tied for 71st in the NFL with Bradshaw, Moeaki, and DMF. |
| 41 | Mark Ingram | Looks to get the goal-line touches. I've only heard great things about him from |
| 42 | DeAngelo Williams | Crappy team, no passing threat, 2-back system. Season's not looking great for Deangelo. |
| 43 | Felix Jones | With no more Marion the Barbarian to steal his TDs, look for him to get a lot more scoring opportunities (he's averaged around 3 TD's per season the last three years)...if he can stay healthy. |
| 44 | Jahved Best | If he can stay healthy, would be a very solid RB2. |
| 45 | Mario Manningham | Manningham has looked awesome in the preseason. Let's hope Eli doesn't suck it up. |
| 46 | Antonio Gates | An oldie but goodie - has averaged 9.6 TDs over the last seven years. You read that correctly. SEVEN YEARS. |
| 47 | Brandon Marshall | Did decently well in Miami last year, but only had 3 TDs. Marshall has top 10 talent, but his success really depends on the play of Chad Henne. |
| 48 | Cedric Benson | Do the Bengals have any other choice but to feed Benson the ball? Don't think so... |
| 49 | Jermichael Finley | Had 55 receptions and 5 TDs in 2009, and I expect him to do even better this year. |
| 50 | Stevie Johnson | Had a breakout season last year. With Lee Evans gone for good, he'll only get more looks from Fitzpatrick. |
Monday, August 22, 2011
"Do not look back"
Does it ever intrigue you that God asks his people to do some pretty weird stuff sometimes? He told Joshua and his people to take a walk around Jericho in silence for a week, told Gideon to determine his army by how they drank water, and told Hosea to marry a prostitute.
It wasn't until Friday that I realized how strange and almost unreasonable God's command to Lot and his family are. If you don't remember the story, here's a refresher:
"Do not look back or stop anywhere in the valley."
Growing up in church, I've never really give much thought to the command the angels gave to Lot and his family. How hard it could have been to run away from a burning, exploding city without looking back? After all, action heroes do it all the time. Upon further reflection, I realized how difficult it really must have been on Lot, and I more deeply understood the blessing of God's salvation.
My Last Day at Harris
Last Friday was my last day at Harris, and after the exit interview, I left the company to walk to the bus stop. I don't think I've ever literally walked away alone from something like that, and the feeling I got was pretty interesting. Despite not really being emotionally attached to the company, I couldn't help but feel kind of sad walking away from the place and the people I spent my last three months with that I would probably not see again. Also, unlike what it would be like if I was driving away, not only did I have much more time to think about it (because walking is slow, especially when you've gained as much weight as me), I had no rear-view mirror and couldn't see the place I was leaving without turning around completely to look.
I remember having sort of an internal battle about turning around to glance at Harris one more time. The awesome manly part of me told me that looking back was such an emotional and sissy mood, but my more nostalgic side was telling me to screw my manliness and to glance back. I did. It didn't really solve anything. I really don't even know why I did it, or even why I had the desire too. Just emotions, I guess.
It's not easy leaving somewhere that you've grown accustomed to, and it's even more difficult when you don't know what's ahead. I don't have a set career path yet, and this lack of sense of security in employment felt very real as I left Harris. Saying goodbye isn't easy, and having your life change drastically isn't easy either.
It must have been hard for Lot and his family to obey.
My insignificant struggle with leaving Harris reminded me of the story of Lot and his family. Why did God command them not to look back? What was the big deal? Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt for looking back. A pillar of salt! This was the first time that it struck me how hard not looking back must have been for the family. Not only do we know that Lot still had family in Sodom, they probably also had made friends with people from the city. And now God wanted them to walk away from the city where they've lived for a good amount of time without looking back. Isn't that a little bit unfair?
I know that what God really wanted from Lot and his family was for them to leave behind the sinfulness and immorality of Sodom. God wanted the family to display that they hated evil and that they had no connection to the evil of Sodom. But it still doesn't seem fair. Lot and his family had to leave behind family and friends to be killed by great balls of fire, and they couldn't even glance back to look at their destruction? Did God really expect them not to look back just to get a glance of what was probably an awesome fireworks show? I'm probably taking the text too literally, as they probably did look back from time to time, and God probably turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt because she was still connected to the sin and her heart was still in Sodom, but this command of God still isn't an easy one.
Sometimes when we read Scripture, especially the Old Testament, it's easy for us to self-righteously look down on the characters for their mistakes. We tell ourselves that we'd never make the same mistakes that they did and that we would obey God to do whatever he told us to do, whether it's refraining from eating some random fruit or commanding a rock to transform into a water faucet. If I was in Lot's situation (and I know I don't ever want to be), I don't know if I could run without looking back. I can't say with complete certainty I wouldn't desire to be with the friends and family that I left behind to perish. It's not easy leaving a place of security for a whole new life. Would I be like Lot and escape, or would I be like Lot's wife and look back and die?
I have already been rescued.
It wasn't until Friday that I realized how strange and almost unreasonable God's command to Lot and his family are. If you don't remember the story, here's a refresher:
Genesis 19
12 The men said to Lot, ...13 "For we are about to destroy this place, because the outcry against its people has become great before the LORD, and the LORD has sent us to destroy it."
5 As morning dawned, the angels urged Lot, saying, "Up! Take your wife and your two daughters who are here, lest you be swept away in the punishment of the city." 16 But he lingered. So the men seized him and his wife and his two daughters by the hand, the LORD being merciful to him, and they brought him out and set him outside the city. 17 And as they brought them out, one said, "Escape for your life. Do not look back or stop anywhere in the valley. Escape to the hills, lest you be swept away."
24 Then the LORD rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the LORD out of heaven. 25And he overthrew those cities, and all the valley, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground. 26 But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.
"Do not look back or stop anywhere in the valley."
Growing up in church, I've never really give much thought to the command the angels gave to Lot and his family. How hard it could have been to run away from a burning, exploding city without looking back? After all, action heroes do it all the time. Upon further reflection, I realized how difficult it really must have been on Lot, and I more deeply understood the blessing of God's salvation.
 |
| Cool guys don't look at explosions. |
My Last Day at Harris
Last Friday was my last day at Harris, and after the exit interview, I left the company to walk to the bus stop. I don't think I've ever literally walked away alone from something like that, and the feeling I got was pretty interesting. Despite not really being emotionally attached to the company, I couldn't help but feel kind of sad walking away from the place and the people I spent my last three months with that I would probably not see again. Also, unlike what it would be like if I was driving away, not only did I have much more time to think about it (because walking is slow, especially when you've gained as much weight as me), I had no rear-view mirror and couldn't see the place I was leaving without turning around completely to look.
I remember having sort of an internal battle about turning around to glance at Harris one more time. The awesome manly part of me told me that looking back was such an emotional and sissy mood, but my more nostalgic side was telling me to screw my manliness and to glance back. I did. It didn't really solve anything. I really don't even know why I did it, or even why I had the desire too. Just emotions, I guess.
It's not easy leaving somewhere that you've grown accustomed to, and it's even more difficult when you don't know what's ahead. I don't have a set career path yet, and this lack of sense of security in employment felt very real as I left Harris. Saying goodbye isn't easy, and having your life change drastically isn't easy either.
It must have been hard for Lot and his family to obey.
My insignificant struggle with leaving Harris reminded me of the story of Lot and his family. Why did God command them not to look back? What was the big deal? Lot's wife was turned into a pillar of salt for looking back. A pillar of salt! This was the first time that it struck me how hard not looking back must have been for the family. Not only do we know that Lot still had family in Sodom, they probably also had made friends with people from the city. And now God wanted them to walk away from the city where they've lived for a good amount of time without looking back. Isn't that a little bit unfair?
I know that what God really wanted from Lot and his family was for them to leave behind the sinfulness and immorality of Sodom. God wanted the family to display that they hated evil and that they had no connection to the evil of Sodom. But it still doesn't seem fair. Lot and his family had to leave behind family and friends to be killed by great balls of fire, and they couldn't even glance back to look at their destruction? Did God really expect them not to look back just to get a glance of what was probably an awesome fireworks show? I'm probably taking the text too literally, as they probably did look back from time to time, and God probably turned Lot's wife into a pillar of salt because she was still connected to the sin and her heart was still in Sodom, but this command of God still isn't an easy one.
Sometimes when we read Scripture, especially the Old Testament, it's easy for us to self-righteously look down on the characters for their mistakes. We tell ourselves that we'd never make the same mistakes that they did and that we would obey God to do whatever he told us to do, whether it's refraining from eating some random fruit or commanding a rock to transform into a water faucet. If I was in Lot's situation (and I know I don't ever want to be), I don't know if I could run without looking back. I can't say with complete certainty I wouldn't desire to be with the friends and family that I left behind to perish. It's not easy leaving a place of security for a whole new life. Would I be like Lot and escape, or would I be like Lot's wife and look back and die?
I have already been rescued.
Colossians 3:1-4 - "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory."All that speculation about me in Lot's shoes is merely hypothetical. Unlike Lot and his wife, I have a real relationship with Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world. I know that ultimately, because of Jesus, my decision of whether to "look back" or not has already been made, not because of my obedience, but because of His. Christ has rescued me from the flames of hell, and my life "is now hidden with Christ in God". This unfortunately also means that I am inevitably leaving others behind, friends and family that I may care for and love. However, no longer is my heart bound to the things of the world. Though I still need to work out my salvation and strive to have my heart and my mind in heavenly things, growing in the likeness of Christ, I will never be like Lot's wife. Unlike Lot's wife, my treasure and heart are ultimately in and with Christ, not by my own power, but by the saving grace of God. Christ has given me a new life and a new path, and there's no turning back now...or ever.
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
No turning back, no turning back.
My Summer - 2011
"I promise I'll read it!"
Summer 2011 - Lessons Learned
My Summer - 2011
"I promise I'll read it!"
Summer 2011 - Lessons Learned
Friday, August 19, 2011
Summer 2011 - Lessons Learned
Believe it or not, this summer was the first time I've lived alone. I've had at least one roommate
all four years of college and have lived at home with my family every summer until this one. Living alone in an unfamiliar area has been a great experience, and God has used this summer to grow my walk with him. Here are two simple lessons that God has taught me specifically about living alone.
Spiritual disciplines are important.
The first month or so of living in Maryland, my spiritual life tanked. I was too tired to read Scripture before work at 6AM, and I was too tired to read Scripture after work at 6PM. It was so much easier coming home after work and just watching TV and playing computer games for a few hours until it was bedtime at 10:30. As expected, this lack of God in my life only resulted in sinfulness, as there wasn't really anyone to hold me accountable either.
God then grabbed a hold of my life again, and he helped me focus on Scripture in the morning and Scripture after work. I've had the opportunity to memorize a few Bible verses a week, and God has used those Bible verses to speak to me at different times of my summer. Memorizing Scripture again has really been monumental in my spiritual life, and I really recommend that everyone do it (so does John Piper)! Spending more time with God has really put things into more perspective. Would I rather watch episode after episode of The Office that I've already seen before, or would I rather deepen my relationship with the eternal, sovereign God and solidify my foundation on His Word? We get sucked up into all of these little temptations that just steal us away from God, little by little, and we miss the great things that God has in store for me.
Looking at the title of this section, maybe it's more appropriate to say instead that "Spending time with God is important", but whatever. These spiritual disciplines are the way that God uses for us to know him and love him more. [I'll probably share more about the stuff God has taught me through Scripture, but just not in this post.]
"It is not good for man to be alone" - Genesis 2:18
Especially in the beginning of my stay in Maryland, it was hard to not feel lonely at times and to desire being in a relationship. It's not so much that I was actually feeling sad and down in the dumps, but it was more of a sense of purposelessness and boredom. Instead of wondering what I would occupy myself with after work, it would have been nice to be able to come home after a long day of work to someone who would be forced to talk to me and spend time with me. It certainly didn't help that seemingly everyone I met over the summer was either dating, engaged, or married. It became very real to me that even though I'm not a very people-centered or relationship-focused person, I wasn't created to live alone, but to live in community and fellowship with others.
God reminded me that I don't need to have a significant other to not be alone and to experience companionship. Accountability with a Christian brother is something I haven't really done since school ended, so starting up accountability again with Cory was really helpful in my walk with God. We had weekly phone calls to talk about life and to pray for each other. These weekly phone appointments gave me one more thing to look forward to in the week, and gave me even more motivation to stay holy and to walk with God. In the future, when I'm living by myself, I'm going to need to maintain these kinds of accountability relationships, so that brothers like Cory can check up on me and we can encourage and build each other up.
I was also able to join the young adult Bible study of a local church, and I built some pretty cool friendships with the people there. As I mentioned in my previous post, the Bible study gave me something to look forward to, and it went further to fill my life with God-related stuff. One of the guys that I met, Shawn (who actually knows Michael from Cornell), picked me up from work to go play basketball and ultimate two or three times a week. In the car, we'd mostly talk about topics like religion, Christianity, and the church, making every car ride was like an "iron-sharpen-iron" sort of experience. Shawn's a mature, older guy who is extremely well-read in matters of faith (and he's also about to get married), and I learned a lot about life, doctrine, and different religious beliefs from him. To me, this was fellowship at its best...or at least very good fellowship.
God reminded me this summer how important being connected through fellowship with other members of the body is important in my walk with Him, as he uses people to speak truth into my life.
Why I need accountability:
all four years of college and have lived at home with my family every summer until this one. Living alone in an unfamiliar area has been a great experience, and God has used this summer to grow my walk with him. Here are two simple lessons that God has taught me specifically about living alone.
Spiritual disciplines are important.
The first month or so of living in Maryland, my spiritual life tanked. I was too tired to read Scripture before work at 6AM, and I was too tired to read Scripture after work at 6PM. It was so much easier coming home after work and just watching TV and playing computer games for a few hours until it was bedtime at 10:30. As expected, this lack of God in my life only resulted in sinfulness, as there wasn't really anyone to hold me accountable either.
God then grabbed a hold of my life again, and he helped me focus on Scripture in the morning and Scripture after work. I've had the opportunity to memorize a few Bible verses a week, and God has used those Bible verses to speak to me at different times of my summer. Memorizing Scripture again has really been monumental in my spiritual life, and I really recommend that everyone do it (so does John Piper)! Spending more time with God has really put things into more perspective. Would I rather watch episode after episode of The Office that I've already seen before, or would I rather deepen my relationship with the eternal, sovereign God and solidify my foundation on His Word? We get sucked up into all of these little temptations that just steal us away from God, little by little, and we miss the great things that God has in store for me.
Looking at the title of this section, maybe it's more appropriate to say instead that "Spending time with God is important", but whatever. These spiritual disciplines are the way that God uses for us to know him and love him more. [I'll probably share more about the stuff God has taught me through Scripture, but just not in this post.]
"It is not good for man to be alone" - Genesis 2:18
Especially in the beginning of my stay in Maryland, it was hard to not feel lonely at times and to desire being in a relationship. It's not so much that I was actually feeling sad and down in the dumps, but it was more of a sense of purposelessness and boredom. Instead of wondering what I would occupy myself with after work, it would have been nice to be able to come home after a long day of work to someone who would be forced to talk to me and spend time with me. It certainly didn't help that seemingly everyone I met over the summer was either dating, engaged, or married. It became very real to me that even though I'm not a very people-centered or relationship-focused person, I wasn't created to live alone, but to live in community and fellowship with others.
God reminded me that I don't need to have a significant other to not be alone and to experience companionship. Accountability with a Christian brother is something I haven't really done since school ended, so starting up accountability again with Cory was really helpful in my walk with God. We had weekly phone calls to talk about life and to pray for each other. These weekly phone appointments gave me one more thing to look forward to in the week, and gave me even more motivation to stay holy and to walk with God. In the future, when I'm living by myself, I'm going to need to maintain these kinds of accountability relationships, so that brothers like Cory can check up on me and we can encourage and build each other up.
I was also able to join the young adult Bible study of a local church, and I built some pretty cool friendships with the people there. As I mentioned in my previous post, the Bible study gave me something to look forward to, and it went further to fill my life with God-related stuff. One of the guys that I met, Shawn (who actually knows Michael from Cornell), picked me up from work to go play basketball and ultimate two or three times a week. In the car, we'd mostly talk about topics like religion, Christianity, and the church, making every car ride was like an "iron-sharpen-iron" sort of experience. Shawn's a mature, older guy who is extremely well-read in matters of faith (and he's also about to get married), and I learned a lot about life, doctrine, and different religious beliefs from him. To me, this was fellowship at its best...or at least very good fellowship.
God reminded me this summer how important being connected through fellowship with other members of the body is important in my walk with Him, as he uses people to speak truth into my life.
Why I need accountability:
Monday, August 8, 2011
"I promise I'll read it!"
God did something crazy to me on Friday.
tl;dr - I gave my awesome new Bible away to a complete stranger on the bus.
Long version:
The Setting
When I come home to New Jersey from Maryland, I take a 45-minute bus ride from my apartment to the Amtrak station, and then I take the train home. Yesterday on the bus, I was reading my awesome new Bible. I read Matthew 11, which was about how John the Baptist was rebuked by Jesus. "Blessed is the man who is not offended because of me." I then read Joshua 5 and 6, which was about the mass circumcision of all the Israelite kiddies, Joshua's encounter with the commander of the Lord's army, and finally the fall of Jericho. What I have been getting most out of Joshua is the obedience that everyone displays. Joshua obeys God faithfully, and the people obey Joshua without question. I was stunned at how Joshua basically told everyone to shut up while they marched around the city, and they did! Holiness through obedience.
The Setup
Suddenly, one of the guys nearby sitting on the bus poked me. He was a 41 year old black man wearing a t-shirt and shorts named Donell. Donell asked me, "Is that a Bible you're reading?" I told him it was. "You go to church?" I told him I went every week. "That's good, that's good." He said he doesn't really go to church anymore. He then asked me "When you get a chance, just remember me in your prayers." I asked him if there was anything specific he wanted me to pray for him about. "To make my path straight. I haven't really been on the straight path, but pray that God will give me a straight path. And to give me a good job." I said I would do that for him, and we talked briefly about God when he got a phone call and started talking on the phone. While he was talking on the phone, I went to go look for the "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.....and he will make your paths straight" passage that I knew was in Proverbs, but I couldn't remember the chapter and verse. Miraculously, when I opened my Bible to Proverbs I opened right to the correct spot and saw it immediately. Fastest verse search ever.
At this point, I was really hoping I could pray for him right there on the bus, and maybe share the gospel more explicitly using the Proverbs passage, but he started talking about his family and football (he's a big Ravens fan), so we talked about how awesome the Eagles did in the off-season and how bad Miami's management is. We talked about Sean Taylor and how he died.
The Act
Sean Taylor was the last topic we talked about before we began pulling into the Amtrak station. Suddenly, I felt the urge to give him my Bible. No. This can't be from God. It's from me. The urge was too strong. This is my brand new Bible. I bought it for $20.00. He probably won't read it anyways. I wanted to read it on the train. I really didn't want to give him my Bible. We were pulling up to the station, so I needed to make the decision. Maybe he'll have his own Bible or maybe he won't want my Bible.
"Do you have a Bible at home." "I do, and I don't." Uhh...what? The bus was going to come to a stop soon. I needed to make a decision. "Do you want my Bible?" "I feel bad for taking your Bible. Do you have another Bible for yourself?" "Yeah, I have a lot of other Bibles. But if I give you my Bible, you gotta promise to read it." "Okay I will. Write your name in it, so I can know who gave it to me." I was really running out of time, because the bus was basically at the stop. I scribbled my name in the front cover, and as I was frantically gathering my things to get off the bus, I opened to Proverbs 3:5 that I had previously bookmarked, basically shoved the Bible in his hands, and told him to read the Proverbs passage. As I took my stuff and walked off the bus he proclaimed again, "I promise I'll read it!".
The Reflection
As I walked into the Amtrak station, I was still shell-shocked at what just happened. I stood there a little dazed, before I remembered I needed to go print out my ticket. I printed out my ticket, sat down, and pulled out my journal and prayed. Here are some of the things that God showed me in that time of prayer and reflection, nicely organized so it's not just a crazy cluster of all the thoughts that were racing through my head.
"It isn't sacrifice until it hurts"
I'm not sure where I heard this saying (my guess is Urbana), but as people living in the US, giving has become really easy, and we can comfortably give money without much sacrifice. Even though the Bible cost only $20, it hurt a lot more than giving away a 20 dollar bill would. It's somewhat strange to me how giving away a Bible could be so painful when giving away $40 or $50 might actually be less painful, and I asked myself why I was so upset about losing my Bible. I gave away something that I wanted, something that was dear to me. I also had planned on reading it in the train station and on the train, so I also sacrificed my plans for the next few hours. I gave away something that I loved, and the thought of it being in the hands of another man scared me because I didn't know if he would actually read it or treat it well. I felt a lot like Larry, when his hairbrush was taken - Take caaaaaaare of my Bible. Take caaaaaaare, oh my Bible. Take care, take care, don't dare not care, take care, nice hair, no fair. Take care, caaaarreeeeeee of my Bible.
This realization that such a little thing could get me all riled up really revealed a lot of inner weakness inside of me. If I couldn't give away a little thing like a Bible, how can I give away bigger things to God - things like my career, my future, my future kids? It dawned on my the huge faith it must have taken Hannah to very literally give away her son to the Lord. I have trouble giving away an inexpensive Bible, but she had to give away her firstborn and only son! God demands my firstfruits, and I need to be able and willing to give them to Him.
I need to trust God
I think much of my distress stemmed from a doubt: "Did I do the right thing?" What if Donell never used the Bible? What if he just forgets and leaves the Bible on the bus? What if it starts raining and the Bible gets all wet? I needed to make the conscious decision to not think about these doubts and just in God's sovereignty, that God is in control and his wisdom is infallible.
God is sovereign and has prepared me for this moment.
This is by far the biggest thing that I got out of this whole experience. Once I sat down in the train station, Scripture that I read and memorized in the last few days and weeks came flooding back to me. On the bus, I was read Matthew 11 and Joshua 5,6. As I've been reading Joshua, I've been struck by the obedience displayed by Joshua and all the Israelites. In Joshua 6, Joshua obeys everything that the commander of the Lord's army commands him to do. Joshua then tells all his people to not say a word as they marched around Jericho. We take that for granted sometimes, but Jericho was an enormous city, and it must have taken a long time to walk around it once, not to mention seven times. If I was an Israelites, I definitely would have grumbled or complained, but none of them did. And the walls came tumblin' down. My takeaway from reading Joshua so far is to always obey God, the first time. It's funny how God prepared my heart to obey him, even when I really didn't want to.
Some of the verses that came to mind:
God is using his Word to help me increasingly grow in His likeness, and it was really cool seeing how the Scripture that I've been reading and memorizing has actually affected my thinking. I need to continually consecrate myself in expectation of the amazing things that the Lord will do in my life.
[This post is describing events that happened on Friday, August 5th, while the large majority of the post was written on the day after that.]
tl;dr - I gave my awesome new Bible away to a complete stranger on the bus.
Long version:
The Setting
When I come home to New Jersey from Maryland, I take a 45-minute bus ride from my apartment to the Amtrak station, and then I take the train home. Yesterday on the bus, I was reading my awesome new Bible. I read Matthew 11, which was about how John the Baptist was rebuked by Jesus. "Blessed is the man who is not offended because of me." I then read Joshua 5 and 6, which was about the mass circumcision of all the Israelite kiddies, Joshua's encounter with the commander of the Lord's army, and finally the fall of Jericho. What I have been getting most out of Joshua is the obedience that everyone displays. Joshua obeys God faithfully, and the people obey Joshua without question. I was stunned at how Joshua basically told everyone to shut up while they marched around the city, and they did! Holiness through obedience.
The Setup
Suddenly, one of the guys nearby sitting on the bus poked me. He was a 41 year old black man wearing a t-shirt and shorts named Donell. Donell asked me, "Is that a Bible you're reading?" I told him it was. "You go to church?" I told him I went every week. "That's good, that's good." He said he doesn't really go to church anymore. He then asked me "When you get a chance, just remember me in your prayers." I asked him if there was anything specific he wanted me to pray for him about. "To make my path straight. I haven't really been on the straight path, but pray that God will give me a straight path. And to give me a good job." I said I would do that for him, and we talked briefly about God when he got a phone call and started talking on the phone. While he was talking on the phone, I went to go look for the "Trust in the Lord with all your heart.....and he will make your paths straight" passage that I knew was in Proverbs, but I couldn't remember the chapter and verse. Miraculously, when I opened my Bible to Proverbs I opened right to the correct spot and saw it immediately. Fastest verse search ever.
At this point, I was really hoping I could pray for him right there on the bus, and maybe share the gospel more explicitly using the Proverbs passage, but he started talking about his family and football (he's a big Ravens fan), so we talked about how awesome the Eagles did in the off-season and how bad Miami's management is. We talked about Sean Taylor and how he died.
The Act
Sean Taylor was the last topic we talked about before we began pulling into the Amtrak station. Suddenly, I felt the urge to give him my Bible. No. This can't be from God. It's from me. The urge was too strong. This is my brand new Bible. I bought it for $20.00. He probably won't read it anyways. I wanted to read it on the train. I really didn't want to give him my Bible. We were pulling up to the station, so I needed to make the decision. Maybe he'll have his own Bible or maybe he won't want my Bible.
"Do you have a Bible at home." "I do, and I don't." Uhh...what? The bus was going to come to a stop soon. I needed to make a decision. "Do you want my Bible?" "I feel bad for taking your Bible. Do you have another Bible for yourself?" "Yeah, I have a lot of other Bibles. But if I give you my Bible, you gotta promise to read it." "Okay I will. Write your name in it, so I can know who gave it to me." I was really running out of time, because the bus was basically at the stop. I scribbled my name in the front cover, and as I was frantically gathering my things to get off the bus, I opened to Proverbs 3:5 that I had previously bookmarked, basically shoved the Bible in his hands, and told him to read the Proverbs passage. As I took my stuff and walked off the bus he proclaimed again, "I promise I'll read it!".
The Reflection
As I walked into the Amtrak station, I was still shell-shocked at what just happened. I stood there a little dazed, before I remembered I needed to go print out my ticket. I printed out my ticket, sat down, and pulled out my journal and prayed. Here are some of the things that God showed me in that time of prayer and reflection, nicely organized so it's not just a crazy cluster of all the thoughts that were racing through my head.
"It isn't sacrifice until it hurts"
I'm not sure where I heard this saying (my guess is Urbana), but as people living in the US, giving has become really easy, and we can comfortably give money without much sacrifice. Even though the Bible cost only $20, it hurt a lot more than giving away a 20 dollar bill would. It's somewhat strange to me how giving away a Bible could be so painful when giving away $40 or $50 might actually be less painful, and I asked myself why I was so upset about losing my Bible. I gave away something that I wanted, something that was dear to me. I also had planned on reading it in the train station and on the train, so I also sacrificed my plans for the next few hours. I gave away something that I loved, and the thought of it being in the hands of another man scared me because I didn't know if he would actually read it or treat it well. I felt a lot like Larry, when his hairbrush was taken - Take caaaaaaare of my Bible. Take caaaaaaare, oh my Bible. Take care, take care, don't dare not care, take care, nice hair, no fair. Take care, caaaarreeeeeee of my Bible.
This realization that such a little thing could get me all riled up really revealed a lot of inner weakness inside of me. If I couldn't give away a little thing like a Bible, how can I give away bigger things to God - things like my career, my future, my future kids? It dawned on my the huge faith it must have taken Hannah to very literally give away her son to the Lord. I have trouble giving away an inexpensive Bible, but she had to give away her firstborn and only son! God demands my firstfruits, and I need to be able and willing to give them to Him.
I need to trust God
I think much of my distress stemmed from a doubt: "Did I do the right thing?" What if Donell never used the Bible? What if he just forgets and leaves the Bible on the bus? What if it starts raining and the Bible gets all wet? I needed to make the conscious decision to not think about these doubts and just in God's sovereignty, that God is in control and his wisdom is infallible.
God is sovereign and has prepared me for this moment.
This is by far the biggest thing that I got out of this whole experience. Once I sat down in the train station, Scripture that I read and memorized in the last few days and weeks came flooding back to me. On the bus, I was read Matthew 11 and Joshua 5,6. As I've been reading Joshua, I've been struck by the obedience displayed by Joshua and all the Israelites. In Joshua 6, Joshua obeys everything that the commander of the Lord's army commands him to do. Joshua then tells all his people to not say a word as they marched around Jericho. We take that for granted sometimes, but Jericho was an enormous city, and it must have taken a long time to walk around it once, not to mention seven times. If I was an Israelites, I definitely would have grumbled or complained, but none of them did. And the walls came tumblin' down. My takeaway from reading Joshua so far is to always obey God, the first time. It's funny how God prepared my heart to obey him, even when I really didn't want to.
Some of the verses that came to mind:
Matthew 11:6 - "Blessed is the one who is not offended by me."
Matthew 10:39 - "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Joshua 3:5 - "Joshua told the people, “Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you."
Matthew 10:28 - "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."
God is using his Word to help me increasingly grow in His likeness, and it was really cool seeing how the Scripture that I've been reading and memorizing has actually affected my thinking. I need to continually consecrate myself in expectation of the amazing things that the Lord will do in my life.
"Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey."
[This post is describing events that happened on Friday, August 5th, while the large majority of the post was written on the day after that.]
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Stupid Me, Stupid Bee
Something crazy just happened.
I'm sitting here on the floor with my back to the couch watching the Yankees beating the White Sox 4-1. I lean back and extend my arms on the couch, as I often do on church pews...or just chairs in general. My pose is sort of hard to describe, so I hope the following picture illustrates it. I looked something like this (also, this):
A few seconds later, I realize that my left hand kind of hurts, with a piercing sort of pain. I pull it back, wondering why my hand is hurting. I played with my hand a bit, but it didn't seem to hurt when I applied pressure to the pain. It hurt a lot when I clenched a fist, but would then disappear for a little bit. I thought it was a splinter, so I examined my hand under the light, but there doesn't seem to be any cut or any splinter. I spent a bunch of time looking for it, but as you can see pretty much, nothing:
By now, my hand was really throbbing, and the pain was becoming unbearable. I went to the freezer to get myself an ice cube to numb the pain. Walking back to the couch area, I find this on the pillow sitting on the couch. :
Yes, that is a bee, and yes, it is dead. Then hit me. When I stuck my arm back and rested it on the pillow, I inadvertently rested my hand on the stinger of the dead bee. I can't believe that just happened to me. I stung myself with a dead bee. The bee didn't sting me, I literally jammed my hand into the bee's stinger. I essentially ran into a parked car. Stupid bee. Stupid me.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how I stung myself with a dead bee.
Medical update for all of you who are deeply worried about my well-being:
My hand hurts a lot. I need to ice my hand twice a minute or else the sharp pain in my hand is more than my low pain tolerance can handle. I'm not positive, but I think I'll make it through this one. But hey, at least the Yankees are about to win the game 7-1!
Dang it. 7-2 now. Mariano just gave up a 9th inning HR? It has been a weird day.
I'm sitting here on the floor with my back to the couch watching the Yankees beating the White Sox 4-1. I lean back and extend my arms on the couch, as I often do on church pews...or just chairs in general. My pose is sort of hard to describe, so I hope the following picture illustrates it. I looked something like this (also, this):
 |
| This guy isn't as good-looking as me, but this picture will have to do. |
A few seconds later, I realize that my left hand kind of hurts, with a piercing sort of pain. I pull it back, wondering why my hand is hurting. I played with my hand a bit, but it didn't seem to hurt when I applied pressure to the pain. It hurt a lot when I clenched a fist, but would then disappear for a little bit. I thought it was a splinter, so I examined my hand under the light, but there doesn't seem to be any cut or any splinter. I spent a bunch of time looking for it, but as you can see pretty much, nothing:
 |
| I should be a hand model, yes? |
By now, my hand was really throbbing, and the pain was becoming unbearable. I went to the freezer to get myself an ice cube to numb the pain. Walking back to the couch area, I find this on the pillow sitting on the couch. :
 |
| This is the thorn in my hand's side. Ouch. |
Yes, that is a bee, and yes, it is dead. Then hit me. When I stuck my arm back and rested it on the pillow, I inadvertently rested my hand on the stinger of the dead bee. I can't believe that just happened to me. I stung myself with a dead bee. The bee didn't sting me, I literally jammed my hand into the bee's stinger. I essentially ran into a parked car. Stupid bee. Stupid me.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the story of how I stung myself with a dead bee.
Medical update for all of you who are deeply worried about my well-being:
My hand hurts a lot. I need to ice my hand twice a minute or else the sharp pain in my hand is more than my low pain tolerance can handle. I'm not positive, but I think I'll make it through this one. But hey, at least the Yankees are about to win the game 7-1!
Dang it. 7-2 now. Mariano just gave up a 9th inning HR? It has been a weird day.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Prayer in Sports
This isn't a post of any of my own particular insights, but some really cool stuff that is worth seeing, if you haven't seen it before. In our day, praying in public seems discouraged, and telling (or "pressuring") others to pray with you is even more taboo. However, God's glory is often made the most public through sports. In the interview after every sporting event, almost always God is given glory before anything else. A full video montage of athletes giving God glory would probably be hours long. Many football teams have pre-game and post-game prayers, usually on the 50-yard line, and this happens quite often, even though most haven't seen or heard about it on television. When a devastating injury happens on the field, both teams usually bend the knee and have group prayers for the injured man on the field. To many athletes, God is an integral part of the game.
As with anything religion related, giving God glory in public has drawn wide criticism. Many anti-theists say that athletes are just shamelessly throwing religion into everything, and it's foolish to thank God for what is obviously the product of superior game-planning and execution, not some divine intervention. To these people I would argue: Why is it okay for athletes to thank their mom and their dad on national television, but not okay for them to thank the God they believe in? Mom and dad didn't do anything to win the game. The critique is based not only on the assumption that athletes hold the same beliefs that they do - that no God exists. Even if God didn't exist and athletes believed in such a non-existent God, how can you fault them for merely expressing their opinions?
Then there are the Christians who critique athletes for giving glory to God even though their lives don't reflect a "Christian lifestyle." To them, I would say: "Who are you to judge whether or not a person sincerely is thanking God? What makes you a better person, that your offering is more fragrant to God than this sinner's offering? Who are you to rob God of the glory he deserves?" I know that many players have done extremely sinful things, but when God is given the glory, rejoice! Don't be a Jonah! Be a Jesus!
That all said, here's the videos I wanted to share you. Prayer happens in high school, college, and even in the pros!
As with anything religion related, giving God glory in public has drawn wide criticism. Many anti-theists say that athletes are just shamelessly throwing religion into everything, and it's foolish to thank God for what is obviously the product of superior game-planning and execution, not some divine intervention. To these people I would argue: Why is it okay for athletes to thank their mom and their dad on national television, but not okay for them to thank the God they believe in? Mom and dad didn't do anything to win the game. The critique is based not only on the assumption that athletes hold the same beliefs that they do - that no God exists. Even if God didn't exist and athletes believed in such a non-existent God, how can you fault them for merely expressing their opinions?
Then there are the Christians who critique athletes for giving glory to God even though their lives don't reflect a "Christian lifestyle." To them, I would say: "Who are you to judge whether or not a person sincerely is thanking God? What makes you a better person, that your offering is more fragrant to God than this sinner's offering? Who are you to rob God of the glory he deserves?" I know that many players have done extremely sinful things, but when God is given the glory, rejoice! Don't be a Jonah! Be a Jesus!
That all said, here's the videos I wanted to share you. Prayer happens in high school, college, and even in the pros!
Friday, July 22, 2011
MCCC Retreat 2011
I wrote 90% of this post two weeks ago, but never really finished it. Well, here it is...
Overview
Last weekend (July 4th weekend), MCCC had it's church retreat at Sandy Cove in North East, Maryland (which to me is a horrible, horrible name for a city). It was an awesome time of relaxation, enjoyment, and development of friendships. I got a chance to spend time with people I don't normally spend much time with like Bryce, Alvin, and Jeff, and I got to see all of the church Shu-shu's and Ah-yi's that I don't see very often.
The Talks
The main reason I'm even posting about the retreat is that the speaker was very, very interesting and, in his own words, provacative. If you think you're conservative, wait until you meet this guy. Pastor Andy Tso is an extremely hilarious guy with laugh-out-loud jokes, impressions, and faces. He's an ABC that grew up in Chinatown, so he related well when it came to things like Chinese School, Asian mothers, and Chinese churches. Despite his likable personality and strong credentials (NYU undergrad majorring in economics, then went to become a lawyer) his talks were extremely strong, and for the most part, poorly accepted. If you were there, the controversy would be enormously obvious. But since you weren't, here's an overview.
Pastor Andy's Beliefs
The following is a brief summary of the various beliefs he shared. Some you may agree with, some you may not. The
He spoke them as irrefutable truth.
I understand that if you believe something, you need to really believe it as truth. In my opinion, Pastor Andy went one step further than that. About his views on science, society, and politics, he said, "You can fight with me if you want. But you won't be fighting against me. You'll be fighting against God." This makes disagreement and discussion quite difficult - what can a mere college graduate say to a pastor who claims to hold this ultimate truth? This truth isn't even the essentials of the faith, but merely non-essential, controversial issues that aren't even held as strongly by most Christians. While Pastor Andy spoke about politics, science, and homosexuality and abortion with this in-your-face absolute certainty, (sort of to his credit) he didn't go so far as to claim his interpretations of prophecies to be absolute truth.
He was speaking to uneducated kids.
Pastor Andy was talking who "didn't know any better" when it came to the end time prophecies and much of his evolution talks. As people, when we don't really have an opinion or knowledge about something, we accept when seemingly credible people tell us what to think about them. I don't like how Pastor Andy took such a strong stand on controversial issues in front of kids who have no experience or opportunity to test and examine the things he was saying. Many of the college and post-college kids reasonably had questions or objections to many of the ideas presented, but I don't think it's possible for young middle and high school Christians who don't have any alternative answers or logical arguments against what he said, forcing them to take it for truth. I felt like he was taking advantage of their youth, and that this talk would be more suited for older Christians who can meaningfully respond to his talk.
His talks would be wildly offensive to most non-Christians.
Many of the well-intentioned things that Pastor Andy said when comparing Christianity with other religions were very condescending and insulting of other religions, making me cringe when I heard them. It isn't that what he said was false, but if I had brought a Muslim friend to the retreat, he probably would have gotten up and left and refused to listen to him anymore. Political correctness can often be a problem with modern day Christians, but perhaps my annoyance with his brazen bashing of other religions comes from the more evangelistic perspective I've gained from being in college. That said, I think that it is important to respect every individual, even if you disagree with his beliefs [Pastor Andy did an impression of Steven Hawking that I thought was quite inappropriate].
What I gained from his talks.
Despite all the things I disliked about Pastor Andy's beliefs and talks, it is our responsibility as students in the congregation to attempt to learn something from a visiting pastor. The main lesson I learned is:
I often underestimate the importance of Biblical holiness to a society's health.
Currently, people hate the idea of other people "forcing" their beliefs on others and are equally cautious to not push their own religious beliefs onto others. As a result, Christianity has all of a sudden become a strictly personal decision and religion, and it's involvement in other areas of your work, such as your social, work, or political life, is greatly discouraged. I think we've forgotten that God cares about and is involved in society. God isn't merely interested in my own personal salvation, but He's interested in redeeming all aspects of culture in our society. We also know that God's laws aren't arbitrary, and that we are blessed by following them - not because God is giving us treats for doing Christian tricks, but that God's laws are inherently beneficial for those who follow them. Therefore, the more we as a society follow God's law, the more we have a chance to prosper. Unlike Pastor Andy, I don't believe that abortion and same-sex marriage is the root of our country's economic problems, but his strong stance has forced me to examine the way I view God's law in relation to society.
Overview
Last weekend (July 4th weekend), MCCC had it's church retreat at Sandy Cove in North East, Maryland (which to me is a horrible, horrible name for a city). It was an awesome time of relaxation, enjoyment, and development of friendships. I got a chance to spend time with people I don't normally spend much time with like Bryce, Alvin, and Jeff, and I got to see all of the church Shu-shu's and Ah-yi's that I don't see very often.
The Talks
The main reason I'm even posting about the retreat is that the speaker was very, very interesting and, in his own words, provacative. If you think you're conservative, wait until you meet this guy. Pastor Andy Tso is an extremely hilarious guy with laugh-out-loud jokes, impressions, and faces. He's an ABC that grew up in Chinatown, so he related well when it came to things like Chinese School, Asian mothers, and Chinese churches. Despite his likable personality and strong credentials (NYU undergrad majorring in economics, then went to become a lawyer) his talks were extremely strong, and for the most part, poorly accepted. If you were there, the controversy would be enormously obvious. But since you weren't, here's an overview.
Pastor Andy's Beliefs
The following is a brief summary of the various beliefs he shared. Some you may agree with, some you may not. The
- ESV is better than the NIV.
- You shouldn't use mobile devices as your Bible because the primary purpose of those devices isn't the Word of God.
- Being a godly Christian will make you smart. 75% of Nobel prizes go to Christians. 9% go to Jews. What you worship, you become. You worship idols, you become them.
- The root of the problem of the US economy is abortion and gay marriage. If abortion wasn't legalized in 1973, there would be around 65 million more people in the US, which means there would be more people pumping money into social security and the economy in general.If given a choice between Barack Obama and Sarah Palin, Pastor Andy would rather have Palin as president.
- "Do you believe you have the same authority to speak about politics as you do about Scripture?" "Yes."
- Job 40 is proof of dinosaurs. The Behemoth refers to the "Supercroc" and the leviathan refers to the blue whale. Christianity is the only religion in the world to include dinosaurs in its holy book.
- Atheism is a prerequisite to believe in evolution. Also, the earth is very young.
- Revelation 9:1 refers to missiles, Revelation 9:7 refers to military helicopter, and Revelation 9:17-19 refers to tanks.Also, the "200 million man army" in Revelation 9:15-16 could refer to the standing army in China.
- In Isaiah 49:12, Syene (or Sinim), refers to China, indicating a specific call for believers in China to bring the gospel "Back To Jerusalem." Israel will once again become a world power, experiencing revival both spiritually and socially. This Back to Jerusalem movement is needed to bring the spiritual and economic center back to Jerusalem because Jesus will come back only after the "fig tree" (aka Israel) sprouts again.
- According to Daniel 9, Jesus' exact birthday is some day in March (though I cannot remember which day). His reasoning is that we know the exact date Daniel said the prayer, and he just does the math according to the number of years provided, and voila! We have Jesus' birthday.
He spoke them as irrefutable truth.
I understand that if you believe something, you need to really believe it as truth. In my opinion, Pastor Andy went one step further than that. About his views on science, society, and politics, he said, "You can fight with me if you want. But you won't be fighting against me. You'll be fighting against God." This makes disagreement and discussion quite difficult - what can a mere college graduate say to a pastor who claims to hold this ultimate truth? This truth isn't even the essentials of the faith, but merely non-essential, controversial issues that aren't even held as strongly by most Christians. While Pastor Andy spoke about politics, science, and homosexuality and abortion with this in-your-face absolute certainty, (sort of to his credit) he didn't go so far as to claim his interpretations of prophecies to be absolute truth.
He was speaking to uneducated kids.
Pastor Andy was talking who "didn't know any better" when it came to the end time prophecies and much of his evolution talks. As people, when we don't really have an opinion or knowledge about something, we accept when seemingly credible people tell us what to think about them. I don't like how Pastor Andy took such a strong stand on controversial issues in front of kids who have no experience or opportunity to test and examine the things he was saying. Many of the college and post-college kids reasonably had questions or objections to many of the ideas presented, but I don't think it's possible for young middle and high school Christians who don't have any alternative answers or logical arguments against what he said, forcing them to take it for truth. I felt like he was taking advantage of their youth, and that this talk would be more suited for older Christians who can meaningfully respond to his talk.
His talks would be wildly offensive to most non-Christians.
Many of the well-intentioned things that Pastor Andy said when comparing Christianity with other religions were very condescending and insulting of other religions, making me cringe when I heard them. It isn't that what he said was false, but if I had brought a Muslim friend to the retreat, he probably would have gotten up and left and refused to listen to him anymore. Political correctness can often be a problem with modern day Christians, but perhaps my annoyance with his brazen bashing of other religions comes from the more evangelistic perspective I've gained from being in college. That said, I think that it is important to respect every individual, even if you disagree with his beliefs [Pastor Andy did an impression of Steven Hawking that I thought was quite inappropriate].
What I gained from his talks.
Despite all the things I disliked about Pastor Andy's beliefs and talks, it is our responsibility as students in the congregation to attempt to learn something from a visiting pastor. The main lesson I learned is:
I need to hate evil the way God hates evil.
In general, I think we as Christians have become tolerant to sin and evil, simply because the rest of the world doesn't see it as bad. While Pastor Andy's hatred of evil could almost be taken as over-the-top, it was a good reminder for me that I really am to be set apart for Christ. This is something that I've been thinking more and more about, and maybe I'll post more about it at some time in the future.I often underestimate the importance of Biblical holiness to a society's health.
Currently, people hate the idea of other people "forcing" their beliefs on others and are equally cautious to not push their own religious beliefs onto others. As a result, Christianity has all of a sudden become a strictly personal decision and religion, and it's involvement in other areas of your work, such as your social, work, or political life, is greatly discouraged. I think we've forgotten that God cares about and is involved in society. God isn't merely interested in my own personal salvation, but He's interested in redeeming all aspects of culture in our society. We also know that God's laws aren't arbitrary, and that we are blessed by following them - not because God is giving us treats for doing Christian tricks, but that God's laws are inherently beneficial for those who follow them. Therefore, the more we as a society follow God's law, the more we have a chance to prosper. Unlike Pastor Andy, I don't believe that abortion and same-sex marriage is the root of our country's economic problems, but his strong stance has forced me to examine the way I view God's law in relation to society.
 |
| Nice family picture at the retreat center! |
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