[WIP]: Rejected Ideas for Iris' Wedding

Iris (my little sister) is getting married in exactly a week, and I'm totally pumped for her wedding. Since Iris and James have been engaged, I've been throwing them a bunch of ideas that I think would spice up the wedding. Most of them (actually all of them, thinking about it) have been rejected. But here's a list of the things I proposed to Iris.

[Note: If you are destined to be my future spouse. Please stop reading here. Thank you.]

Embarrassing Toast - In Review

I've been threatening Iris for months with telling all the embarrassing stories of our childhood for my toast. I still have a week of leverage to use this threat!

Wedding Gifts Commission - Rejected

I would graciously take on the responsibilities as the person in charge of collecting gifts, and as a token of gratitude for my service, Iris and James would "reward" me with 10% of the total gifts. Unfortunately, Iris and James have already found people who would do this task for free...

Pregnant Sumo - Rejected

Iris: Yes Sheila is coming!
Iris: she will be very pregnant
Iris: like sara
Caleb: for some entertainment
Caleb: there should be a pregnant sumo
Caleb: stomp...stomp...SMASH
Iris: you are so terrible...

Have Timmy be a Centerpiece - In Review

Who knows. Maybe Tim will agree to this!

Poop bouquet toss - Rejected

Picture this. Iris is turned around, and all the single ladies are crowded behind her in anticipation of the bouquet toss and the chance to be the next one to marry. Iris hands suddenly lift from in front of her, and all the girls scream in delight, until they realize that it's not a bouquet that has been tossed, but a pile of stinky poo! The screams of delight quickly become screams of horror, as all of the girls try to run to avoid the poo. Some girls, however, are not so lucky and are trapped in the middle of the panicking crowd. The original pile of poop separates in the air, greatly increasing its area of effect. Any attempt to flee is now futile. The poop rains down from above, spoiling the new, hundred dollar dresses on the unfortunate upset, once-hopeful girls. What a glorious scene it would be.

Daddy-daughter dance to dad's own singing - Rejected

Few of you probably know this, but despite being as close to tone-deaf as someone possibly can be, my dad loves to invent his own songs and sing them repeatedly until he gets tired or my mom tells him to stop. Iris and I have obviously memorized many of the numerous songs he likes to sing, and I thought that it would be fitting, hilarious, and emotionally moving to record my dad singing his silly songs and have Iris and him dance to it. Unfortunately, neither party agreed.

Nose Pore Cleaner Wedding Favor and Guestbook - Rejected

Recently, my mom has been on a mission to clear the dirty pores in my noes, so she bought those strips that stick to your nose and pull out all the gunk from your pores. Iris and I have both used them, as they're pretty fun to use and it's amazing the stuff that can get embedded in your nose. After Jenny and Steven's wedding, we were discussing how much we liked the stamp guestbook idea, and thought that maybe we could give each guest a nose pore cleaner, and then paste it onto some sheet and write their name next to it, kind of like Jenny and Steven's thing!