Summer Purposelessness

Loneliness?!
I often struggle with a sense of purposelessness when I'm at home (and by home, I mean in my house when I'm not hanging out with my home friends). I don't really talk to people much, and I'm not really attached to people anymore. I don't really go out of the way to IM people anymore. I think it's because I don't really talk to people online anymore, and I'm just scared of the awkwardness from the unfamiliarity. It's actually kind of sad thinking about it.

[Thinking about it, people would probably call this loneliness. But I don't like that word. It is much too pathetic for someone as awesome as me.]

"I just need someone to love." - Justin Bieber (video below...lolz)
It's not really that I need someone to talk to. It's that I need someone to care for. We are created to love. God created me with a purpose, which is to display Jesus's love to others, and when I'm at home, I don't really get a chance to do that. At school, I pour out my love and sacrifice into AIV. In the past, I spent a lot of time sharing my life with a few certain individuals, and I just haven't developed those types of relationships. I love hanging out with friends on the weekends, but when I'm sitting at home after work every day, what do I do? I usually just spend a lot of time watching TV and playing games, just basically not doing anything at all. (I think this is why last year was so good for me spiritually. I met with Bijan on Tuesdays, had college Bible studies on Thursday, then went to Joywok on Fridays. Having things to do helps get rid of some of that purposelessness that I feel during the week.)

I think much of the purposelessness is from the consequent selfishness that I feel about my lifestyle. I wake up, make some money, then go home and just spend alone time doing things I want and then go to sleep to repeat it all over again. I don't really do anything for anyone else. Man. Life as a working bachelor is going to be tough. Thinking about my life as a working person, the question of "How can I advance God's kingdom while working?" has constantly been on my mind, and I have no idea.

Maybe I need to develop closer friendships. Maybe I need to be a better friend and start caring for other people more. Or maybe I need to get more involved with serving in ministries at church.

Apologies for rambling.

That's right. I'm embedding a Justin Bieber song. Kill me later.