On Dating

I've received a bunch of formspring questions asking about my thoughts and opinions and preferences of dating. Because my answer to a lot of these questions intersect, I'll attempt to answer them here.

The End
To me, the goal of dating is to marriage. This doesn't mean that a dating relationship is expected to end in marriage, but I think that the ultimate end of dating is marriage. A dating relationship is not considered successful outside of marriage, meaning that merely gaining experience or temporary comfort is inadequate. Dating without marriage in mind is useless and doesn't add much to life. Sure, the experience is helpful, but in the end, I think the hurt involved far outweighs the experience gained.

The Means
Dating is made possible only by Godly love. Even though we aren't fully capable of perfect love, Christ has given us the ability to be selfless and to put others above ourselves. People these days are afraid of the word "love" and afraid to use it. I think that the only way to have a successful relationship is through love. Sure, this love may be imperfect and need a lot of work, but without love, without being willing to sacrifice yourself for someone else, no relationship will be fruitful.

Because love means putting your own desires aside for the well-being of another, I firmly believe that anyone is "datable". This doesn't mean that I can or will date people that are very different from me or have qualities that I dislike, but it does mean that if God wants me to date or marry someone, He will give me the strength and selflessness I need to love so radically that any everything that seemed like a barrier before will be overcome. In the end, it is God who does both the choosing and the loving; I do neither.

The implications of everything I just said is that while there are things that I may not like in a person, I am to love the way Jesus has loved me: to forgive and to love. This isn't an idealistic thought that all obstacles are overcome as long as you love, but the idea is that God won't give me trials that I can't overcome or trials that He won't help me overcome.

My Preferences
I'm not going to post my preferences for a few reasons. First of all, it could be offensive and hurtful to others. Second, these are only personal preferences that I've noticed in myself, not strict rules or expectations I have of girls. Posting a list of preferences will only tempt me to treat them as expectations and strict guidelines, keeping my from trusting God's decisions and relying on my own desires.

On Dating Non-Christians
2 Corinthians 6:14-15: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ...What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?" There are a lot of interpretations of this verse and opinions on dating non-Christians, so I'll just give mine. I think the general rule for all Christians is (and should be) to not date non-Christians. In my opinion, dating non-Christians should be done with caution and Christians should not marry non-Christians.

That said, I do believe that God can use relationships with non-Christians for His glory. Because God should be the center of any relationship, God should also be the center of all relationships, even if others are not Christian. If we love our friends and especially our significant others, we should, more than anything else in the world, desire their salvation. Jesus will love any girl infinitely more than I can love her, so the most loving and selfless thing for me to do is to just lead her to Jesus. Still, these relationships should be the exception and I think we need to hear God's call clearly in these situations.

Personally, I've only had one potential relationship with a non-Christian. Though I shared the Gospel with her, I found that I was changing more than she was and the way I was living my life wasn't very glorifying to God. I find that when I am close to God, my close friendships with non-Christians often suffer because I can't fully share my life with them. I don't want to impose on my friends and I don't want to be overbearing, so I don't share about my spiritual life very often. Though as Christians we want to say that we are open to dating all people and that our spiritual lives won't be affected either way, the reality is that dating a non-Christian is a risk that we should only take with an explicit call and blessing from God.

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