[Sort of a meta-note: Look for me to update here more than I have the last few months, mainly because I need something to occupy the time I used to spend exercising.]
For some reason, yesterday night as I laid in bed before I fell asleep, I was trying to remember what my high school was like. I tried to remember where my homeroom was, where my classes were, and where my lockers were. And for the life of me, I couldn't. I tried to walk my brain through the hallways of the school as I tried to piece together the random memories I still had of MHS, but I was coming up blank.
And just like the crybaby I seem to have become these last few weeks, I got really emotional that I could barely remember the building that I spent 4 years walking through. To be honest, I wasn't really sure why it made me so upset that I couldn't remember anything about my high school, as I barely even reminisce on my high school experience. Being really tired probably contributed to it, along with the fact that I had just watched Spirited Away again before going to bed. After all, I certainly didn't want to lose the memory of who I was and become a slave to Ubaba forever! I guess the lingering emotions from the movie compounded with late-night irrationality made my incomplete recall feel like I had lost a part of myself that could never recover again. [Actually this fear of the irretrievability of thoughts is the reason I started my blog! Check out my first post ever!]
After I spent a few minutes lamenting my missing memories, I decided to test myself and to see if I could mentally walk through different places, like my house, MCCC, and how to get to ShopRite and Maggie's house from back home. It's actually quite amazing how the brain is able to be it's own little Google Maps, complete with StreetView and everything. And I tried again to do a walkthrough of Manalapan High, but I just couldn't piece together a full picture. I would mentally walk through a hallway, only to reach its end, staring into a black void that my brain's Google Maps refused to load. I tried to recall how I got to key locations of the school such as the auditorium, gym, and cafeteria, but as before, the dots just wouldn't connect.
It's a weird feeling - knowing that you once knew something but no longer know it at all and have no hope of remembering it again (making it significantly different from the "tip of the tongue" experience). And it's kind of scary acknowledging that my memory of things past - of who I was and what I did - will continue to fade as I grow older. It really does feel like you're losing pieces of yourself little by little, and there's really not much you can do to stop those memories from fading. I wonder if after we die, we will have our memories fully restored and will be able to watch our lives back in rewind. I know that we will need to give an accounting for all that we do in our lives, but I can't say for certain if we will carry those memories with us in eternity. And really, I don't even know if would want to.
What do you guys think? Will we have a fully self-enlightened consciousness and recall the things before death or will we be so busy chilling with Jesus that we don't even bother remembering the things of this world?
First, google: mind palace.
ReplyDeleteSecond, something interesting I heard Piper respond to the question: "Will there be regret in heaven?" And his response was a resounding: "Yes". The ultimate joy in Christ chilling with God in heaven is only so much more treasured because we will remember what it was like without Him. I think it's somewhere in this 30 min interview where he talks about his retirement :(
http://thegospelcoalition.org/resources/a/piper_on_regrets_and_retirement
It's weird how even the day-to-day from a couple years ago fades so quickly, but can come back with a little prompting... When I flip back through my old planner and journals that can turn into an hour easy. But I agree with you, there are memories I wish I could play back (ex. ones with now-dead relatives) that I've lost forever because of time.
ReplyDeleteWhen my family reminisces, it's interesting and kind of sad to hear what my parents do/don't remember--from their childhood or even 20 years ago when us kids were little. It makes me want to save all those story details for the future.
This is just personal opinion, but in the future I do think we will be able to remember at least part of what life was like before Jesus came back. At least, we won't forget. Maybe it'll only serve as a reminder like Mark said, either in simple sentiment, or being gifted with complete recall like you mentioned and seeing how God worked through our whole story (which I think would be pretty awesome). For sure the focus will be on God but I feel we'll still retain a measure of who we currently are as created beings in Heaven. And (random thought) if the notion of time is something completely different beyond this life, I'd think that anything's possible regarding those forgotten memories.
I watched Spirited Away for the first time like a week ago and it was one trippy movie. Never stop by empty carnivals.
Ah yeah I agree with both of you. I guess the thing for me isn't really IF we will remember, but HOW we will remember. For example, I don't think nostalgia will be felt when looking back, which is really strange to think about.
ReplyDeleteAnd Mark, how am I supposed to remember an imaginary place if I can't even remember a real place? But yea I don't think that's practical for me haha.
Mind palace is an exercise haha. It's just called that because the first example of it was done in a collapsed palace. Use it for familiar settings to jog your memory :) I was stating that what you were doing moving through your memories and everything is the "mind palace" strategy.
ReplyDelete