I need to lose weight

I need to lose weight. It's not for self-image or self-esteem, because I'm already awesome as I am. It's not (totally) for girls, because fat guys get married too. It's not for health reasons, because I think I'm pretty healthy. It's not to please my parents, because, as Iris would say, I have authority issues.

I need to lose weight, and it is because I'm going to Taiwan over the summer, and if I'm fat, my grandma will point it out 273985252 times a day, every day. The nagging will be endless. The reminders of my fatness will be endless. She will not hesitate to embarrass me in front of other people, just because Asian people don't care. My grandma, bless her heart, doesn't have an "off" switch when it comes to this nagging. The last time I went to Taiwan, the nagging was about basketball, and how I shouldn't play it because of some people in the newspaper that got hit in the eye with the ball and went blind. She had the newspaper clippings to prove it. It was also about computer use, and how computer screens are evil, and that for every 20 minutes I was at a computer, I needed to get up for 10 minutes. Not bad advice, but when it's shoved down your throat a gatrillionjillionmillion times, it no longer sounds reasonable and you go insane. I really don't want this to happen again. [Thank you, Mom, for reminding me the horrors of my grandmother's nagging.]

I need to lose weight, and it's for the sake of sanity-preservation.

In other news, kittens are cute: