And so begins my journey through Scriptures and prayer. I took a shower after the message (well, I went downstairs to watch TV, but my mom was watching some lame TV show, so THEN I took a shower). I think well in the shower. I think as Christians, we have a hard time accepting who God is. This sounds kinda strange, but I the questions that kept nagging at me such as "If God truly elects those to be saved, why doesn't he elect everyone?" Though I believe in my head the pillars of Calvinism, there is a disconnect in my emotions.
We aren't comfortable with who God is supposed to be because we don't recognize who we are ourselves. I began my Bible reading of the night with Genesis 2, Matthew 1, and Romans 1 (I just finished Acts and decided to read a chapter from the OT, the Gospels, and the Epistles...and I had read Genesis 1 yesterday). It's interesting that all three of these passages describes the beginning of someone. Genesis 2 obviously describes the creation of Adam and Eve, Matthew 1 is the narrative of Jesus' birth (how fitting, now that Christmas is almost here!), and Romans 1:18-32 describes all of mankind.
So, who are we?
We are loved by God: Yeah, yeah this is obvious, and it's everywhere in the Bible. But when I was meditating on Genesis 2, I realized that God so loved Adam that he realized that "Hey! The dude needs a woman!" [Btw, it is also not good for Caleb to be alone. Feel free to help him find a "suitable helper" ;) ] God knows about our needs and will take care of them. Most importantly, we are created in the image of God. This gives me a reason to be deeply confident about who I am. God is my creator and He loves me.
We are wretched, without any hope save the grace of Jesus Christ our Lord: I think this is what us Christians most often conveniently forget. It is impossible to fully appreciate and understand grace without first understanding the evil and wretchedness and depravity of our own hearts. I encourage everyone to read Romans 1:18-32. This is a description of us, human beings. In the passage, "God gave [men] over" to various things. If God lets us have our way, we have no hope of escaping sin. This is the idea behind "Total Depravity": that before God drew us to him, we had no hope of salvation. If God did not save us, we would be stuck in sin.
We are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; we invent ways of doing evil; we disobey our parents; we are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. Although we know God's righteous decree that only those who do such things deserve death, we not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
I think that when we start wrapping our heads around how evil we really are and how helpless and dead we really are without Christ, there is nothing left to do but fall down at His feet in praise and thanksgiving. There is no (or at least less) room for questioning his plan of salvation or the extent of his grace. Romans 9:20 : "For who are you, O [evil, gossiping, God-hating, insolent, arrogant...] man, to talk back to God?" Recognizing my own depravity leads me to be deeply humbled because of who I am.
The story doesn't end here though (thank God)...
Jesus came to earth to save us specifically: In Matthew 1, the angel told Mary that Jesus "will save his people from their sins." His people. Jesus got peeps. And that is me. And that is you. Jesus didn't come to earth to set up a "Free Salvation Giveaway stand" that whoever decides to stop at his proxe station and take a look might leave with everlasting life. Jesus came intentionally for his people, for his sheep. When God sent his son, he really meant to save me, to save you. John Piper said in his message, "God really means to purchase by the atonement the conversion of a definite, limited group of people from all people who don't deserve the grace." That makes me grateful for his personal salvation of me. When I was spiritually dead and without any hope of life, Jesus died for me...for me!
So am I an image bearer of God or a weak, evil, God-hating individual apart from God? Yes. It's this salvation that reconciles the two sides, giving me a reason to be deeply confident and deeply humble in who I am in relation to Jesus.
From Tim Keller's Reason for God that we read in Sunday School last summer:
“The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to died for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.”
Heavenly Father,
You are perfect and holy. You are all-knowing and had a plan and a purpose from before time began. You are awesome. You are powerful. Thank you for loving me, a sinner. Thank you for reaching down from your throne in heaven and coming down to earth to save me, me! Lord Jesus, I have done nothing to deserve your grace. I am a sinner, and I'm the worst kind of sinner. I lust, hate, hurt, disobey. There is nothing good in me apart from you. Lord Jesus, I was dead before you breathed life into me, nothing more than mere dust. Thank you Jesus. Help me understand your grace more deeply, more correctly as I struggle to understand the mysteries of your Gospel. Draw me nearer to you. Help me understand the magnitude of your love and grace that gave me life.
Thank you, Jesus, thank you.
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