Assorted ACL#3 Thoughts

This one feels different. Well. It physically feels the same, which is why despite the confusing, ambiguous MRI report, I'm fairly certain it's a serious knee injury aka ACL (will get more clarity after ortho surgeon appt in early Jan). But with wife and kids, it's different. 

When I tore my first ACLs 7 and 9 years ago, what upset me the most is the inability to play ultimate and hang out with my friends. Now, it's mainly from 1) the understanding that this very well could be the end of my ultimate career (Sam gave me one more major injury before a forced retirement) and 2) not being able to fulfill my primary roles of being a good partner to Sam by being a good dad to our kids. Unlike previously, ultimate isn't as core to my identity or social life, but this injury more materially impacts those who depend on me.

The injury happened during league - was smokin the other team (think I scored 4 or 5 already that night). Kicked out with my leg laterally on a mark, brought it down hard, then snap-crackle-pop. Pain, scream, tears, sadness. As I said sitting on the field, "The tears aren't from the pain - it's from knowing that's the end of my career." Sobbing on the sideline, so so grateful for the pats on the back and encouragements, and the friends surrounding me. But really, more than anything, just wanted to be home.

The mental portion of serious injury is almost harder than the physical toll. Those who've been there know. Like Samson, who carried me to the car. And Scott, who greeted me at church acknowledging the mental part being the hardest. I've shed more tears this last week than I have in a long, long time. Reminding myself daily of Samson's advice to me as he loaded me into the car - "Don't overthink it."

Self talk is important. My mantra for this one is "Stronger every day. I'm unstoppable". Custom Etsy shirt being ordered right now. The grind begins anew. 

"With your pain, you are imitating Christ." - Nun to Pope Francis. Communion is exactly what I needed that Sunday - a physical sign of an physically incarnate God for a physically broken man, and one of the many reasons I love that our church partakes weekly. "This is my body, broken for you" hits different when your own body is broken.

With the injury, it's all of a sudden possible to continue my high rate of book reading in 2023, previously only due to paternity leave.

"I'm really glad I'm not slow." < I said this in my head to myself a few weeks ago. Welp. Reminds me of my reflection after ACL#1 (should I start naming them?). 

Crabapple Baptist and Corporate Sin

Not gonna lie, the statement by Crabapple First Baptist Church, the Atlanta shooter's church, was better than I expected. It denounced violence, repudiated racism, grieved for the victims, and recognized its effects on the Asian-American community. But it still rang hollow. Something was missing. 

My immediate reaction that I sent to friends was: "It's pretty good, but also seems to lacks any sort of reflection (something like "We are evaluating and investigating gaps in our Christian education or church values...) . Hard to judge from the outside though, cuz maybe they did try. Like the sexual abuse stuff, need to recognize the importance of institutions, rather than when someone does something bad being like "Oops. That person is bad and we condemn them" and having that repeat continually." 

It was hard to articulate my dissatisfaction with the statement until I listened to Pastor Iron's podcast on Systemic Racism and read Timothy Cho's article on corporate sin (also linked below). In essence, Pastor Iron and Tim Cho communicate how Biblically, a whole group of people can be considered guilty for an individual's sin. This idea of corporate responsibility may seem initially repulsive to the hyper-individualistic Westerner, but the idea of collective guilt is self-evident to many others through our taught culture and lived experience. For Easterners, a person has the ability to bring shame or honor on her own family (as Mulan famously taught white people - the original one though, not the live action 😤). Minorities are also very aware of the perceptions that others in their group help perpetuate and the real consequences these perceptions create (see - Muslims after 9/11). Whether it's sexual abuse, systemic racism, or domestic terrorism, the question we must deal with is the same - Do we treat bad actors as merely "bad apples" (or "bad Crabapple", in this case 😛) or do we examine if there's something wrong with the environment that spawns seemingly unending bad apples? 

Now, back to Crabapple First Baptist Church. Rather than admit that "one of us" committed the atrocities, Crabapple church absolved themselves of responsibility by essentially communicating that the shooter was "never truly one of us", even though the evidence is clearly to the contrary, as he was a communing member of the church. Quick to exonerate themselves, Crabapple church failed to take any responsibility as a community of examining itself if it fostered a culture where racism and sexism could flourish. There's not a hint of corporate responsibility to be found, nor even the desire to consider how or why the evil in his heart was allowed to fester. In self-absolution, improvement and systemic change has no opportunity to occur, as the church and community never ask themselves if they contributed to or failed to prevent the problem, allowing cycles of sin to continue.  

I'm not saying that Crabapple church was necessarily an evil, toxic place. To the contrary, Chul Yoo, an Asian American pastor who used to attend, seems to indicate otherwise. But Yoo says in his article what I really wish Crabapple church committed to in their statement - "As they grieve, Crabapple will be able to carefully consider any blind spots brought to light by this incident, and the rest of us too will have a chance to take a closer look at our own churches, institutions, and hearts." 

Links / Resources

• Baptist Press - Georgia church condemns ‘extreme and wicked’ actions of member, initiates church discipline (Full statement included)
• Timothy Isaiah Cho - John Calvin’s Views on Corporate Sin Applied to Racial Justice
• Grace Fireside Chat - Systemic Racism
• CT - The Atlanta Shooter Targeted My Community. He Also Came from My Former Church.

The root of all evil.

Jesus said that "the love of money is the root of all evil." It sure is a good thing that I don't love money.

It's impossible - I give too much of it away, after all. Recurring payments to church and charity. Examine my budget and giving statements - you'll see. My mailbox is full of prayer letters and ministry updates. I don't need to read them to know my donations are making an impact. And hey if you need support, just ask and I'll probably say yes. "Prayerful consideration" is just a euphemism others make for loving money (or not being as financially gifted by God as I am). Fortunately for me, "it's more blessed to give than receive", which is also why I don't have needs for community.

Obviously, I can't give it all away. God called me to be a steward of resources. Jesus did tell the rich young ruler to give it all away and follow Him, but commentaries say that's a specific command to the rich young ruler, not a universal imperative. Look it up. Anyways, I give the firstfruit of my paycheck. Around 10%, post-tax and 401k, way more than the Evangelical average of 2.5%, and this doesn't even include my corporate matching! Christians should give more to God's work - the Church is rampant with greedy people who really need to give more like me.

I'm a steward, detached from the love of money, which means God has called me to stay relatively wealthy to support the people who God actually called to sacrifice their livelihoods. You can think of me as the Dorcas to your Paul and Silas. I meditate gratefully on my salary and net worth because I'm so secure - financially security is an important testimony to others. If I don't provide for my family, who will?! My personal comfort is only a distant side benefit for me, which I would give up in an instant if God called me to (He hasn't yet). And anyways, I'm glorifying God in my enjoyment of His gifts!

God's entrusted me with funds for safekeeping and growth, which you better believe I'm not going to bury in the ground. By investing in the market, I'm investing in the kingdom. By investing in a house (an appreciating asset) to host Bible studies in an area with a good school district for my kids to grow up to make money to give to God, I'm investing in the kingdom. By investing in my career for promotions, bonuses, and raises, I'm investing in the kingdom. My discontent of my current salary is a righteous indignation on behalf of God, who I could give more to if my manager finally gave me that promotion.

It's a good thing I'm an informed investor (who, as a reminder, does not love money). Checking the market daily is key to the spiritual practice of smart investing, as are the podcasts I listen to and the news I follow. Chatting with others about the market activity daily is worshipful investing, doing my due diligence to make sure I don't miss out on important gains. Closely tracking GME, AMC, BTC, BA, Tesla is an hourly spiritual discipline God has called me to. Ultimately,  I do it all to serve God - if my portfolio does well, God gets more money! The more I make, the more I can give to God!

"The love of money is the root of all evil." Praise God I don't love money. 

Book Review - Reading While Black by Esau McCaulley

Reading While Black: African American Biblical Interpretation as an Exercise in Hope by Esau McCaulley
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐(4 of 5 stars)

Why you should read this book: You'll understand and be challenged by Scripture from an important but oft-suppressed voice.

Why you should not read this book: The arguments presented are intentionally not novel or mindblowingly innovative.

Reading While Black surveys a few topics of black contexualization of Scripture, briefly reviewing some history of the black church and ecclesial, interpretative disputes within the black church. After an insightful first chapter on his motivation for writing the book, McCaulley dives into a series of topics (police, political witness, pursuit of justice, etc), specifically exegeting one or two passages of Scripture to support his broader point. I found this brief, simple and introductory presentation compelling and approachable - instead of attempting to provide exhaustive and comprehensive evidence (better for an academic setting), he offers the reader enough convincing evidence in a specific passage and links the argument back to the larger Biblical narrative.

My favorite part of the book was actually learning the internal conversations within the black church and the brief history of tensions between those who hold on to orthodoxy and those who have become significantly more progressive. The relation between theologically conservative and progressive Christianity is personally interesting to me, and the window McCaulley shares for viewing the black church is fascinating and helpful. Reading While Black handles adeptly the balance between being written for both black and non-black Christians.

"This book is not successful if it has been innovative; I have succeeded if it has reminded others of home." I'm grateful that McCaulley has shared his home, his his spiritual heritage with me, and I can confirm that this book is successfully not innovative or novel. Many who have experienced diverse, multi-ethnic fellowship will be familiar with frameworks presented but will still be challenged towards a deeper, fuller understanding of Scripture. Some portions of the book don't resonate deeply with me (such the reality of Africans in the Bible) and bordered on being tedious, but it's clear that McCaulley is responding to specific arguments that need to be refuted. It's dismaying and telling that McCaulley needs to defend some of these basic truths, and in a sense, I wish portions of the book did not need to be written. But they do, and so I'm grateful for his responses. For example, the premises of his book - the reality that everyone reads Scripture from a specific context and lens, is intuitive, unsurprising, and unfortunately controversial.

While much of Reading While Black responds to typical white American evangelical interpretation and assumptions, McCaulley focuses more on expounding his Biblical interpretation rather than deconstructing white evangelical interpretation (for this, I highly recommend Misreading Scripture with Western Eyes). This scope is appropriate for this book, but a more complete understanding of Scripture (and subsequently any contextual reading of Scripture, such as Reading While Black) can only be understood by the reader after understanding how their own background and experiences shapes their reading of Scripture. Reading While Black is an important work for anyone looking to more fully understand Scripture, a hopeful, encouraging work that challenges the reader not only with the contributions and insights of the black church, but also to consider your specific role and participation in God's revelation. I eagerly await someone to write "Reading While Asian-American" 😀

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Book Review - Dare to Serve by Cheryl Bachelder

Dare to Serve: How to Drive Superior Results by Serving Others by Cheryl A. Bachelder
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5 of 5 stars)

You should read this if: You're looking for an other-centric, service-oriented perspective on career and leadership with thought-provoking reflection questions.

You should not read this if: You're looking for novel bright thoughts on leadership, not old tried and true ideas.

Review:

My personal work philosophy has been "put others first", which has helped me grow personally and in career in the last few years. Dare to Serve articulates and fleshes out my personal principles, goals, and convictions on work and leadership. Too often, the portrait we see of leadership and management is a me-centric, personally ambitious, win-at-all-costs leadership, which is unappealing but also ineffective. Combining personal experience, research, and wisdom, Bachelder shows us another way - the humble servant yet daring leadership.

Much of the content of this book will be familiar to readers, such as setting personal mission statements and principles, having goals knowing your stakeholders. However, Bachelder distinctly frames these well-known personal techniques into her larger mission and framework of serving others, imparting greater overall meaning and motivation. Bachelder helpfully illustrates her own practices embodied at Popeyes. While there is undoubtedly sugar-coating, I appreciated show Bachelder addresses the elephant in the room of translating corporate-speak BS to truly be internalized and solidified as culture (rather than being a plaque, as she describes).

Bachelder also helpfully challenges the reader with many thoughtful reflection questions. Most of us would profess to wanting to be humble and selfless, but our inner thoughts and attitudes and our external actions would betray our real, hidden motivations. Do I love the people I work with? Am I seeking their benefit? What are the qualities in my favorite bosses that I look to emulate?

As a Christian, I found it uncanny how similar my worldview was to that presented in the book and suspected the author to be religious (Chapter 1 is titled "Whom shall I serve"!), which was proven to be correct towards the end of the book. I'm so glad I found this book - it gives a voice to the leader I hope to be growing into.

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Quotes:

“Efficiency with people ruins relationships.”

"Influencing and persuading others is ultimately more effective than exercising authority over them.”

"Don’t let your principles sit idle on a plaque. Bring them to life."

Book Review - Unfuck Your Brain by Faith G. Harper

Unfuck Your Brain: Using Science to Get Over Anxiety, Depression, Anger, Freak-Outs, and Triggers by Faith G. Harper
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐(3 of 5 stars)

You should read this if: You're struggling with mental health but don't know anything about mental health issues and need a primer. And you don't mind an ultra-casual tone. But really, why not just see a therapist?

You should not read this if: You're someone looking to understand and support others struggling with mental health issues.

Review

First, the swearing, casual tone, and humor. It seems like most people hate it or simply tolerate it, but few actually prefer it. I personally found it a bit distracting - while the jokes were occasionally funny, the swearing never felt comfortable to me. While the humor offers levity to an otherwise heavy topic, it felt out of place for a doctor to discuss such afflictions jokingly and actually felt a bit condescending. I don't need you to swear for me to read a book.

Harper covers a broad range of mental health issues, from depression to anxiety to trauma, giving helpful overviews of each and some practical ways to think about issues and techniques to mitigate or combat them. While Harper does say that the best route is to go to a therapist, the effective takeaway often still feels like "Do these things and it will fix or mitigate your mental health issues", which really isn't helpful for anyone with deep issues.

To me, the root issue is that Harper fails to communicate and distinguish between the severity of mental health issues people may have. While reading this book and taking some of the tips and suggestions may be sufficient for people with milder anxiety issues, people with more significant issues will find little value in attempting to fix their depression by holding ice in their hands and may actually feel shame if the tips don't work. Ultimately, everyone reading the book who suffers significantly from what is described should see a therapist, who would hopefully communicate the relevant parts of what Harper describes.

For those looking to love and support those with mental health issues, this book gives an introductory look into what they may be going through but offers little else, other than practical advice, which is the absolute worst thing to shoot at those struggling.

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Book Review - House to House by David Bellavia

House to House: An Epic Memoir of War by David Bellavia
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐(4 of 5 stars)

You should read this if: You enjoyed Black Hawk Down and are familiar with military terms.

You should not read this if: Macho masculinity and mild glorification of war is repulsive to you.

House to House is the book version of Black Hawk Down - character development, moral takeaways, and overarching storytelling is secondary to non-stop, realistic action. As a non-military reader, much of the lingo and cultural assumptions went over my head, as the author didn't stop to describe what a "Bradley" or "SAW" were, but I'm sure that this won't trip up most readers.

The attitudes, macho masculinity, and politically incorrect speech / slurs will certainly be offputting to many people (people who are less likely to read this book in the first place), but it's important to remember that this is a memoir and our soldiers simply experience a different life than most of us. Rather than expect the book to discuss the validity of the Iraq war or have more meta reflections of the terribleness of war, the book is a lot more enjoyable and insightful reader as an honest portrayal of war and the men who wage it. It's ugly through and through - from the violence and physical destruction to the inward trauma, racism, and hatred to the collapsing family lives.

This book was a 3-star book for the majority of it. I personally did not prefer the "drop into war zone" feel, with little context to the situation or characters. However, the last couple of chapters linger and will stay with me. 3.5 stars, rounded up to 4.

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Book Review - 1776 by David McCullough

1776 by David McCullough
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐ (3 of 5 stars)

You should read this if: You love history and are okay with reading a collection of facts.

You should not read this if: You're looking for a comprehensive account of the American Revolution or a bigger picture narrative.

For those unaware, this book is very literally an account of the year 1776, only covering events from this specific year . I expected a comprehensive end-to-end book on the American Revolution and was disappointed to be essentially dropped into a book scoped to a single year. This book felt more like a history book and a collection of facts than a coherent narrative or account. There are few overarching themes and George Washington is basically the only character that is significantly followed.

History geeks may appreciate the many trivia tidbits provided. From the dress of the soldiers to the underlying political motivations of the British general, there's a lot of "wow, that's interesting" moments in 1776. But that's about as deep as the engagement becomes. Emotional connection to characters are nonexistent, and there's really barely a real story that is being followed. For people not familiar with American history, I imagine this book would be exceedingly confusing.

Audiobook Note - The audiobook seems to have two readers - a male and a female - seemingly arbitrarily switching between the two readers, confusing and distracting me. The rhyme or reason to the different readers is not at all clear.

Reading 1776 reminded me of reading a textbook, giving the feeling that I might be quizzed at some point about the various facts presented in the book. Meh. I don't get the praise for this book.

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Book Review - George Whitefield [Abridged] by Arnold Dallimore

George Whitefield by Arnold A. Dallimore
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐

You should read this if: You're interested in a fairly short overview of George Whitfield's life from various accounts, particularly his relationship with the Wesleys. Or if you're already very familiar with Whitfield's life and teaching and are interested in the primary sources presented.

You should not read this if: You're looking to learn about Whitfield's theological beliefs in-depth. Or if historical white-washing and hero worship turn you off.

Review

"George Whitfield was a great preacher who seemed to have a big influence, and everyone liked him. Except for John Wesley at first, but even he liked him in the end." Along with some historical details, that's basically the whole book. Given this is an abridgement of a much larger volume which I haven't read, the brevity on some topics is understandable but the outcome is underwhelming. While some details of Whitfield's life were interesting (I did not realize the extent of his travels between America and Europe), there's a noticeable lack of depth presented on Whitfield as a real human being, sinner but saved by grace. My view and knowledge of Whitfield is fairly unchanged before and after reading this book - he was a great evangelist who people loved to hear from.

Perhaps my judgement on this biography is shaped by a more modern, critical approach to viewing historical persons, but the effusive praise ends up giving a very shallow view of George Whitfield. What were his weaknesses and struggles? Other than his failure to repudiate slavery and being a slave owner (a significant issue which is addressed too briefly), what other failures did he have? What doubts or fears did Whitfield have, or was he really the superman presented who feared nothing? Is the sum of a man's life really just his external deeds and accomplishments? Instead of a well-rounded, relatable human being, we're presented with an essentially infallible figure, which is both certainly unrealistic but also unsatisfying to read.

This biography doesn't attempt to describe particular theological beliefs, denominations, or church structures, so only those with the appropriate background will be able to understand and appreciate some of the discussion. Readers are not presented with any background to what Calvinism is, Biblical support for or against predestination, or what a Maldovian is. While in-depth descriptions are likely intentionally avoided in this short biography, these omissions make the book significantly less accessible and difficult to recommend.

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Book Review - Molly's Game by Molly Bloom

Molly's Game: From Hollywood's Elite to Wall Street's Billionaire Boys Club, My High-Stakes Adventure in the World of Underground Poker by Molly Bloom
My rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4 of 5 stars)

Why you should read this book: It's a fun, almost unbelievable tale of career and influence success set in opulent luxury.

Why you should not read this book: As much it's a book centered around poker, it's not actually a book about poker.

Review

In an almost too-crazy-to-believe story, Molly's Game recounts Molly Bloom's rise in a celebrity-filled underground world. It's a really fun read/listen, as we listen to Molly's development and all the interesting and gloriously unrelatable challenges she ran into. At its core, the book is about how Molly was able to successfully read people and understand their motivations, desires, and "tells". Molly is a fantastically gifted and gritty character, almost feeling like a superhero at times with her ability to understand and satisfy/manipulate other extremely talented and successful people.

As much as I enjoyed the character-centric narrative, I wish Molly's Game spent more time on some the more nitty-gritty aspects of her operations, such as detailing the logistical complexities and describing the rich settings and their associated costs. For those of us who haven't even come close to experiencing the luxuries described, it can be hard to understand and picture what "the nicest room at the Four Seasons" is like. People are known to be bad at understanding quantities, so sometimes it can be hard to really internalize and really feel the enormous sums of money that are being discussed - for most people, a poker game with a buy-in of 5k, 50k, and 250k are equally unattainable!

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