Boasting in My Weakness

"So to keep my from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep my from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:7-10

I have to admit that I've been slow to show vulnerability and weakness in all my time at Michigan (and my entire life, really). I'm not a very vulnerable person, and not that many people actually know that much about me. Yesterday was a hard day for me. It isn't every Sunday that you break down crying while praying alone in a church pew during worship, only to have a man you half-recognize put his arm around you and tell you to come sit with him. It isn't every Sunday you go up to ask for prayer from elders you don't recognize of a church you've only been to once. God really convicted me this morning during Sunday worship of this 2 Corinthians passage - of boasting in his weakness, and that's what I'm here to do.

I'm a weak, weak man. I really shouldn't even call myself a man. I'm a weak, weak boy. I'm a crybaby. It's often hard for me to pray out loud without choking up in tears for whatever reason. A friend recently told me that she has observed two things about guys - that they are stupid and that they are emotional. I don't really want to endorse this opinion for fear of losing all my guy friends, but I do know that this is true for me. It's so easy to always be stoic and look tough on the outside, but I'm really actually quite emotional. I am weak. I struggle with loneliness. It's hard for me to be alone, without friends to lean on and hang out with all the time, and in truth, it's even hard for me to ask for help. It's also hard for me to accept my singleness, of which I am often ashamed. I cope with loneliness by digging into books and getting a big head, both of knowledge and of pride. I am a needy man.

God has taught me so much in my weakness. I've learned how weak I am. I've learned that I can't rely on myself. I've learned how much I need brothers around me to care and pray for me, and I've learned not to take these brothers in Christ for granted. I've experienced the faithfulness of God through my times of deepest worry, and I've felt the warmth of God's embrace in my tears shed. I've understood more deeply the peace in clinging to God's sovereignty, and I've learned to appreciate how Jesus, my high priest, can sympathize with my weaknesses. God has shown me yet again how sinful and unholy I am, and he's displayed to me the comfort of his grace. And obviously, when I say I've learned these things, I really mean that I've grown in these areas, as I still have an eternity to truly learn it all, but God has really worked in my life through my weaknesses.

I'm not posting this for pity. I'm posting this to boast in my weaknesses in Christ. Don't feel bad for me - rejoice with me that God is making his power known in my life through my weaknesses! Jesus sees through the walls and barriers that I put up. Jesus knows how much of a scumbag I am. Jesus knows that I'm not as tough and emotionless as I pretend to be. Jesus knows how weak I am. And yet he loves me. Jesus loves me even though I'm a crybaby, and he loves me even though I'm weak. Jesus loves me so much that he died for me, even though I suck!

Thank you God for reminding me how much I suck and how weak I am and how much I need you. Use my weakness for your glory, and make me strong in my weakness. Your grace is enough for me.

Somewhat-related Posts: 
New Insights into Suffering
My Lack of Suffering