After it all, the key lesson I learned is that a concern with God's glory is the only way to get through suffering. I realized that I would never make it through any pain focusing on myself, and that the only way to get through it all is to be focused on God's glory, seeing the ways he is growing me and preparing me for the future.
I read the following passage for my quiet time this morning:
Acts 4:40-41 - "and when they had called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name."The morning after it all happened, when I was driving up to Nathan's, I listened to a DA Carson lecture on suffering (which can be found here), where he presented a lot of good points to suffering, and in which he mentioned the above Scripture. He said that the apostles rejoiced in their suffering because it was their first taste of suffering, and Jesus had promised them persecution, but so far in their ministry, everything had been going their way. Jesus had told them to take their crosses up daily (which isn't a light statement) and to follow him. Carson said that the disciples must have been thinking "Hmm...everything is going awesomely. People are accepting the gospel, and everyone seems to love us. But Jesus had told us that we would suffer. Are we doing something wrong?" They rejoiced in their suffering because they knew that they were glorified God and were in his will! This is also my prayer - that God would give me suffering so that I can rejoice in serving him and having the honor of being dishonored for his name. After spending the weekend with Nathan, driving back, I for the first time in my life sincerely asked God to give me more suffering. It was the weirdest thing in the world, how the Spirit would lead me to such a prayer! I asked God, "God, if it will bring you more glory, give me more suffering. I want to suffer for you." I asked God to make me suffer more for his name's sake, praying with the faith that God will sustain me in my times of suffering. I never in a million years would have thought that after such a difficult weekend, I would ask God for MORE suffering! God is good, and his Spirit has really been working in my life. Glory to God.
Today at work, I listened to a Paul Washer sermon on my phone (which I highly recommend and you can watch here), and man was it convicting! I don't always agree with the way Paul Washer approaches things, but there is a real seriousness of his faith that he exhorts to have. It really got me thinking about the seriousness of my own faith. In a segment of his talk (starting here), Washer talks about how in Romans 10:9, when Paul says "if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved", he talks about how we often take public confession of Christ extremely lightly, and how the audience to whom Paul wrote faced execution for a public confession of faith.
Brothers and sisters, we need to take our faith seriously. We need to be training ourselves now so we are equipped to serve God more fully. We need to be holy, because God our Father is holy. We need to have radical love for others and be bold in sharing the gospel. Above all, we need to be concerned with the glory of God. Whatever we do, may it be for his glory!
For those of you who took Conformed to His Likeness with me at Compelling this last fall, if you remember, Pat (the leader lady) recommended us read the Book of Martyrs. I've been wanting to read it for a while, and lucky for me, it's free for the Kindle (thanks again, Mandrew!)! Actually, the entire book is also available here in PDF format if you want to read it. I just read the first chapter, and it's incredibly difficult not to be moved. The gospel MUST be true for all of these men to die for it. It must be! I know that especially for us unschooled Asian-Americans, we don't really know much about our church fathers, so I just put the first part of the first chapter into a nice little table so we can see the suffering that our church fathers went through. I hope you are as moved as I was when I first read it, and I hope that you'll go take a look at that PDF and read some of it for yourself!
Disclaimer: For the "not sure" spots, I mainly put it there because the book doesn't say explicitly and I didn't go research it, but hopefully I can do a little better research online and come back and update them. I have added links to some artist renditions of the apostles' martyrdom if I could find them.
| Apostle | Year of Martyrdom | Place of Death | How he died |
| James the Great (son of Zebedee, brother of John) | AD 44 | Judea | "As James was led to the place of martyrdom, his accuser was brought to repent of his conduct by the apostle's extraordinary courage and undauntedness, and fell down at his feet to request his pardon, professing himself as a christian, and resolving that James should not receive the crown of martyrdom alone. Hence they were both beheaded at the same time. Thus did the first apostolic martyr cheerfully and resolutely receive that cup, which he had told our Savior he was ready to drink." |
| Philip | AD 54 | Heliopolis, in Phrygia (Upper Asia) | Crucified |
| Matthew | AD 60 | Nadabah, Ethiopia | Slain with a halberd |
| James the Less (former brother of Jesus) | Not sure | Jerusalem | Stoned by the Jews, and "finally had his brains dashed out with a fuller's club" |
| Mattias (Judas' replacement) | Not sure | Jerusalem | Stoned, then beheaded |
| Andrew (brother of Peter) | Not sure | Edessa | Crucified, with two ends of the cross on the ground. |
| St. Mark | Not Sure | Alexandria | Body was dragged to pieces |
| Peter | Not sure | Rome(?) | Crucified upside-down upon own request, as he didn't find himself worthy to die in the same way Christ did. |
| Paul | AD 67 | Rome | Beheaded |
| Jude | AD 72 | Edessa | Crucified |
| Bartholomew | Not sure | India | Cruelly beaten, then crucified |
| Thomas | Not sure | India | Thrust through with a spear |
| Luke | Not sure | Greece | Hung on an olive tree |
| Simon (the Zealot) | AD 74 | Britain | Sawed in half. (The book said he was crucified, but the great internets says differently). |
| John | Not martyred | Patmos(?) | Pulled out of a cauldron of boiling oil, then exiled to the Isle of Patmos. He was the only apostle who didn't die a violent death. |
| Barnabas | AD 73 | Cyprus | Stoned to death |
We see this list of great men, and we complain about having to get up early to do our quiet times!!! GOD FORGIVE US FOR OUR UNHOLINESS AND SELFISHNESS.
A great Paul Washer sermon on taking your faith seriously (thanks Mark!). The first one is good too. As I said before, I don't completely agree with the way he presents everything, but it's definitely still worth struggling through.
1 Corinthians 12:8-10 - "Three times I pleaded with the LORD about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."God, make me a martyr for you. Father, bestow upon me the privilege and joy of suffering for you. Use me in any way, O God. Teach me how to serve you more fully. God, humble me. Include me in this impossible mission you have for the world. God, I want to serve you. I want your gospel to be made known. God, I want to die for you, confessing Jesus as Lord. Give me faith, give me endurance, give me love, give me patience so I can better serve and glorify you. God, help me to serve you well right now. God teach me to sacrifice. And God, I know that it's not by my strength, but by your Son, who died on the cross for me. It is only in his power that I can do anything at all.
Related Post: My Lack of Suffering
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