NBA Finals 2011 - My Vows

Tonight is Game 4 of the NBA Finals, and the Heat are currently up 2-1 on the Mavericks. I would do anything to see the Heat lose this series. Well...almost anything. Here's the list of thing's I vow to do 100% if the Mavs win the Finals. On the other hand, I'm going to go insane if the Heat win...so they better not.

If the Mavs win the championship, I will bless the world in the following ways:

Things I vow to do if the Mavs win the Championship
1) In honor of Shaun Marion, I will make it one of my life goals to get married.
2) In honor of Jason Kidd, I will make it one of my life goals to have kids.
3) In honor of Dirk Nowitzki, I will make it one of my life goals to be tall, white, lanky,
4) In honor of Tyson Chandler, I will attempt to burn off some fat to look more like him.
5) In honor of Deshawn Stevensen, I will accept my role as the 5th best player on any basketball team at the CCRB.
6) In honor of Mahimi, I will learn to foul 5 times in 8 minutes. No easy task.
7) In honor of Jason Terry, I will be the little guy with the big mouth. I guess that's not really a good thing for the world, BUT TOO BAD.
8) In honor of JJ Barea, I will be short (but hopefully I will stop missing easy layups).
9) In honor of Peja Stojakovic, I will do nothing. He does not deserve anything for his crappy play.

I, Caleb Tseng, will do these things if the Mavericks win.

If the Heat win the championship, the world will need to feel my wrath!!!

Things I vow to do if the Heat win the Championship

1) I will tell everyone how angry I am.
2) I will burn all of my Lebron James jerseys.
3) I will never name my child "Lebron" or "Bosh" or "Dwayne".
4) I will hate the state that Lebron comes from with a deep passion.
5) I will quit watching the NBA for four months.
6) I will refuse to use any heater for five months.
7) I will do my best Lebron James impression and cry.
8) I will wear flip flops in honor of the Lebron James School of Acting.

I, Caleb Tseng, will do these things if the Heat win.

Man. Just thinking about the heat winning the Finals makes me mad. I'm like a small amount of water: it doesn't take much Heat to make me boil!

This baby is learning from one of the best.