My 21st Birthday Wish List

As you all should know, my 21st birthday is coming up in a month, and as customary, you will all be bringing gifts to present at my feet on my birthday. For all of my Michigan friends and all those not in town, feel free to mail me checks. Credit cards will also be accepted.

This year, instead of asking for and collecting cash for myself as I normally do, keep your twenty dollar bills. Here are some of the modest things that I want for my birthday, in no particular order. I will be creating a registry soon for my birthday so that no two people give me the same gift. What a tragedy that would be.

1) A Vuvuzela

I used to be really annoying, and I feel like I've lost some of that recently. My obnoxiousness and stupid jokes are now accepted and even considered funny sometimes. I need to be annoying again, and a vuvuzela is will be that first step toward being able to again make people's ears bleed just by opening my mouth. Those were the days.



2) A black friend

I used to take pride in being friends with a lot of black people. I wasn't super-tight with them all the time but yeah, I did have a ghetto phase (like most other Asian dudes). Running track also helped me to get to know a lot of the other black kids in high school, who surprisingly weren't very fast (but mostly because they just didn't try very hard). I recently realized that I don't really have any black friends at Michigan, partially because I'm in an Asian fellowship, and partially because there aren't that many black kids that major in Computer Science. I need to reconnect with the hood.

3) A closer relationship with my future father-in-law's daughter.

I've been constantly thinking and praying for my friend, my future father-in-law, and I really hope that he gets along with his daughter well. I think that maybe getting to know her better will also help me understand my future father-in-law better as a person so I can relate to him better. This really isn't about her and its certainly not about me, but a great relationship with his daughter should help solidify my relationship with my future father-in-law, the most important relationship to me right now. Also, on a somewhat unrelated note, it would be a plus if his daughter was pretty.

4) More blog readers

As many of you know, I have been shamelessly advertising my blog, and I will continue to do so. I would really appreciate it if you made "fobbymaster.blogspot.com" bumper stickers or maybe buy a billboard and advertise it. I would actually really appreciate if someone tattooed it down their arm or maybe vertically down the chest through their happy trail (or happy forest, in Michael's case). I know all of you follow my blog and twitter religiously (especially Shawn), so why not just share the wisdom and humor and general awesomeness of fobbymaster.blogspot.com to the world?
P.S. If you are sick and tired of hearing me talk about my blog, I am deeply and genuinely embarrassed and sorry. I am not being a narcissist, just trying to get some sense of worth because I write my posts with the intent of bringing something to the readers.

5) A personal masseuse, bodyguard, and lifeguard.

This is a request not for three different people, but for one stunning individual, preferably female, that can perform all the above duties. Sarah Walker from Chuck would be perfect for me (even though I'm not sure if she gives great massages, but whatever. I'm not that picky). Too bad she's fictional. [Random thought: I wonder if Sarah Walker and Luke Walker are related. Sure hope not. Luke is such a loser.]

6) A Michigan football bowl bid

No explanation needed.

I miss this:

7) Lots of rubbing alcohol

I expect that we will be doing a lot of risky, exciting things for my 21st birthday with a lot of potential of getting injured like going to a missions seminar at church and a fantasy football draft. Even though I am not old enough to buy my own rubbing alcohol, it would be really nice if you guys could go out and buy me some in case I get cuts and stuff. Also, no girly rubbing alcohols like Smirnoff Ice Peroxide.

8) An iPad

I've never had an iPhone or an iPod touch before, and at the ancient age of 21, my eyesight will start to deteriorate. Thanks to Steve Jobs, my poor eyesight will not interfere with getting the iPhone/iPod touch experience because of the newly-released iPad! Not only is the iPad bigger and better than any other tablet or e-book reader out there, it is also much, much cheaper! Thanks, Apple! You've saved the day again! 



9) Rosetta Stone for the Female Language.

I would really like to learn the female language. I know there are a lot of good resources out there already, but I need some sort of a comprehensive lesson to immerse me in the female language to help me understand them better. This Rosetta Stone will be passed on from me to all of my male friends, so we can all learn and speak the language together. I can't wait until we get to the advanced levels of the language and we will be able to lie to each other through our teeth via flattering and gossip.



I know most of you are on tight budgets, especially after spending a fortune on Iris' birthday party, so I really hope these little things I suggested will be helpful for you to select me a cheap but meaningful birthday present!