When I tore my first ACLs 7 and 9 years ago, what upset me the most is the inability to play ultimate and hang out with my friends. Now, it's mainly from 1) the understanding that this very well could be the end of my ultimate career (Sam gave me one more major injury before a forced retirement) and 2) not being able to fulfill my primary roles of being a good partner to Sam by being a good dad to our kids. Unlike previously, ultimate isn't as core to my identity or social life, but this injury more materially impacts those who depend on me.
The injury happened during league - was smokin the other team (think I scored 4 or 5 already that night). Kicked out with my leg laterally on a mark, brought it down hard, then snap-crackle-pop. Pain, scream, tears, sadness. As I said sitting on the field, "The tears aren't from the pain - it's from knowing that's the end of my career." Sobbing on the sideline, so so grateful for the pats on the back and encouragements, and the friends surrounding me. But really, more than anything, just wanted to be home.
The mental portion of serious injury is almost harder than the physical toll. Those who've been there know. Like Samson, who carried me to the car. And Scott, who greeted me at church acknowledging the mental part being the hardest. I've shed more tears this last week than I have in a long, long time. Reminding myself daily of Samson's advice to me as he loaded me into the car - "Don't overthink it."
Self talk is important. My mantra for this one is "Stronger every day. I'm unstoppable". Custom Etsy shirt being ordered right now. The grind begins anew.
"With your pain, you are imitating Christ." - Nun to Pope Francis. Communion is exactly what I needed that Sunday - a physical sign of an physically incarnate God for a physically broken man, and one of the many reasons I love that our church partakes weekly. "This is my body, broken for you" hits different when your own body is broken.
With the injury, it's all of a sudden possible to continue my high rate of book reading in 2023, previously only due to paternity leave.
"I'm really glad I'm not slow." < I said this in my head to myself a few weeks ago. Welp. Reminds me of my reflection after ACL#1 (should I start naming them?).
