Monday, December 9, 2013

Signs You Might Love Football More Than Jesus

Football, like anything else in life, can be idolized. We, dear reader, are tempted more than ever in this NFL-mobile-app, sports radio culture to elevate football over Jesus. But sometimes gauging our hearts can be hard to do, so for the sake of the kingdom, I've put together a small list of signs that you might love football more than Jesus. If you find that any or all of the statements below are true, I strongly urge you to promptly burn all of your football-related possessions, throw your TV away, and if necessary, gouge out your eyeballs (Matthew 5:29 - it's biblical). I thought about attaching images for each of these points to spice up the post, but I decided that I didn't want to stoop to the depths of Buzzfeed, so here is the pure, unadulterated list:

1) You have more sports apparel than you do Jesus apparel. 
I'm sure you've all heard the Biblical truth: "You might be the only Bible someone reads". If you don't wear Christian T-shirts, how will people hear the gospel?!?! Bonus points for wearing T-Shirts with Bible Verses on them! Or if you want to be a Christian hipster, get a Scripture tattoo!

2) Your idea of "righteous anger" is hating your bitter rival.
Let's be honest. Urban Meyer and Nick Saban are easy to hate. Eli is easy to tease too (though I suppose that teasing the disabled is bad taste).

3) You pray more during football games than during the week. 
This is especially true if you are a Michigan fan and have been forced to watch Devin Gardner this year. Living on a Prayer, anyone?

4) Church is just your Christian pre-game.
Church for you is just the necessary tradition before a game where you get together with friends and talk about the upcoming football for the day, updating your fantasy team while some guy talks about something on stage. Crackers and grape juice ain't no burgers and beer, but hey - it's holy!

5) You do your quiet times in hopes that God will bless your fantasy team.
Beware of the up-and-coming version of the prosperity gospel - if you live a "good" life and do the right things, God will bless you and your first round pick won't get injured and your waiver wire pickups will exceed expectations. "Bad fantasy week? There must be some sin in your life - check your heart, bro."

6) You hate Ohio State so much that you can't bring yourself to worship God at a Asian-American InterVarsity Conference because of the Ohio State-comprised worship team.
...This is all hypothetical of course...and hypothetically if this is something someone experienced, that someone probably had a lot of heart issues to deal with and repenting to do.

1 comment:

  1. "When church hopping, you pick the pastor that uses football analogies for preaching on the Word because you like how he uses 'practical examples' in his sermons"

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